I had just completed tasks assigned during recent meeting, over two days, ending early in the morning today. Just then phone's gallary notified having put together ‘a story’.
Thinking involuntarily goes on. The story led me to think about performance of duties (rta – ऋत) by elders and when their turn came, by younger ones in a family. The logical extension was acknowledgement of the obligations ( rna ऋण) by the beneficiaries of the duties performed by members of the family.
I wondered if I acknowledged my obligations to my elders and performed my duties first as child and then as elder in the family? I wondered if my elders expected acknowledgement and should I for duties performed? Bhagwat Gaeta preaches निष्काम कर्म.
I wondered what have scriptures and wise men said about a) responsibilities of family members, b) expectations elder members may have to receive acknowledgement of having done their duty. Though Bhagwat Geeta preaches 'nishkam karma', does that absolve the beneficiaries of their duty to acknowledge receipt of benefits? What are the parallel advice of other traditions? While the search was for evaluating my own performance, I insist all younger ones also must think on these lines and reflect for improvement.
Response I gathered to these questions is as under:
“Your reflection touches upon two profound aspects of family systems and dharma: responsibilities within the family and the expectations of acknowledgment - especially from elders. Let’s explore this through the lens of scriptures (particularly the Bhagavad Gita) and wisdom traditions.
1. Responsibilities of Family Members (Dharma within the Family)
In Hindu philosophy, the family is a microcosm of cosmic order (ṛta), and each member has svadharma (personal duty) based on their stage of life (āśrama) and role.
- Parents/Elders: Their primary duty is to guide, nurture, and provide wisdom (not just materially but spiritually). The Manusmriti (2.225) states that parents who raise a child with love and proper education fulfill their dharma.
- Children: Their duty is gratitude, service (śuśrūṣā), and respect (Taittiriya Upanishad 1.11: "Matṛdevo bhava, Pitṛdevo bhava" - "Revere your mother and father as divine").
- Spouses: Mutual support (Arjuna in Mahabharata speaks of Draupadi as his sahadharmini - partner in dharma).
The Bhagavad Gita (3.12) emphasizes that duties sustain societal harmony:
"The devas, nourished by yajña (sacrifice), will nourish you. Thus, sustaining one another, you shall attain the highest good."
Here, "sacrifice" includes familial duties—giving and receiving in balance.
2. Do Elders Deserve Acknowledgment? Nishkām Karma vs. Human Nature
The Gita’s teaching of nishkām karma (selfless action) does not mean beneficiaries are free from gratitude. Rather, it means:
- Elders should perform duties without attachment to rewards (Gita 2.47: "You have a right only to action, never to its fruits.")
- Yet, beneficiaries must acknowledge and reciprocate - because ingratitude (kṛtaghna) is condemned in scriptures.
Example:
- In the Ramayana, Dasharatha fulfills his duty as a father, and Rama never forgets his debt (even in exile).
- The Mahabharata’s Shanti Parva warns that those who receive but do not acknowledge harm the cosmic balance (ṛta – ऋत)
3. The Middle Path: Duty + Graceful Acceptance of Gratitude
- For elders: Perform duties selflessly, but do not resent if acknowledgment is delayed. (Gita 12.13-14 praises those "content with whatever comes unasked.")
- For the young: Acknowledge sacrifices. The Taittiriya Upanishad teaches that repaying the "debt to ancestors" (pitṛ-ṛṇa – पित्रु ॠण) is essential for dharma.
The Gita’s nishkām karma is for the giver’s mindset, not the receiver’s evasion of duty. A family thrives when:
- Elders give without ego,
- Juniors reciprocate without being reminded,
- Both remember that dharma is relational - like a sacred yajña where offerings and blessings flow both ways.
The themes of family duties, gratitude to elders, and the balance between selfless service and acknowledgment appear across global wisdom traditions.
Confucianism advises that Parents must educate and morally guide children. Confucius emphasized Children must honor parents not just materially but with reverence (jìng 敬). Unlike the Gita’s nishkām karma, Confucianism explicitly demands gratitude. A child’s failure to honor parents was seen as a cosmic disorder.
"Honor your father and mother" (Exodus 20:12) is one of the Ten Commandments of Judaism. The Talmud expands this to include material care and respect. The mitzvah of kibbud av v'em (honoring parents) is a debt that can never be fully repaid, as Judaism tradition reminds us.
Jesus reaffirms the commandment (Mark 7:10). St. Paul balances this: "Children, obey your parents; fathers, do not provoke your children" (Ephesians 6:1-4).
The Quran elevates parents to a sacred status: "Your Lord has decreed… kindness to parents" (17:23-24). A famous Hadith states Paradise lies at the mother’s feet.
Conclusion: The Middle Path Across Traditions
- For Elders: Give guidance without clinging to rewards (Gita/Buddhism).
- For Juniors: Acknowledge sacrifices (Confucianism/Abrahamic faiths).
- For All: Family is where dharma, xiào, or commandment is first practiced—a microcosm of universal order.
