Existence (वुजूद)

Today the sun must have risen at its own time, but the clock gave one hour more. That is the bright (!!) brains of Northern Americans (not the natives, the occupiers from across Atlantic) who have conceived the concept of "day light saving".

But that is just a passing thought. The mind was grappling with the concept of "वुजूद"  in Hindi & Urdu and "વજૂદ" in Gujarati. The Gujarati lexicon gave the meaning (truth, reality, substance) which did not fit in my chain of thoughts and so looked for translation from Hindi to Gujarati (સિદ્ધિ; સફળતા, અસ્તિત્વ; હયાતી) and that made the connection.

I have heard many people (more ladies than gents) talking about "existence (वुजूद)". Their queries are normally generated out of feeling of deprivation and desire to be counted or valued. Such views are promoted by some social thinkers (like that lady, respected as a thinker and writer, I have listened to number of times) as well.

This led to the search about what is the correct (or appropriate) way of looking at my "existence" or " वुजूद"? Should I look at "existence" as related to my rights or should I look at it as related to the larger purpose of the same including my responsibilities?

I came across this blog post, "The meaning of life - a psychologist's view" on the subject. Check this out https://theconversation.com/the-meaning-of-life-a-psychologists-view-129274. 

The psychlogist introduces the subject by saying "The search for meaning in life is a familiar challenge to many of us" (we may not be consciously thinking on those lines at times). "Some materialist scientists and philosophers consider it a futile search. Prominent atheist Richard Dawkins, for example, claims that human beings are just “throwaway survival machines” whose only purpose is to survive and replicate genes.

Otherwise, the theory goes, there is very little point to our lives. We may attempt to create other kinds of meaning, through religion or attempts at altruism for example, but all we’re really doing is following our genetic and neurological programming."

He further says "But I take the rather unfashionable view that there is meaning to life. It is absurd to reduce human life and behaviour to purely genetic factors.

We are not just ghostly entities living inside machine-like bodies in an indifferent world. Human life is not a meaningless space between birth and death, spent trying to enjoy ourselves and forget about our predicament."

My understanding is existence has more to do with the fulfillment of the purpose of existence than my rights and enjoyment.

Introspect and evaluate extent of fulfillment of the purpose of existence.

Corona: Observations, Experiences & Learnings– Part II

The Times Of India reported on June 20^th, 2020 “With COVID-19 showing no signs of slowing down, India is the second-worst affected country struck by the pandemic, with over 1.12 million cases registered till now. While a lot of companies and independent medical groups are involved in the development of a COVID-19 vaccine, the past month has seen a lot of developments and announcements take place regarding the production of a homegrown vaccine. Globally, India is renowned to be a leading vaccine producer and has manufactured several vaccines in the past, which experts believe gives India an edge over its competitors.”

This was the hope which kept us safely indoors. Moving out of house was very emphatic no-no. Office was closed. Work from home was the norm since 24^th March 2020. Time was flying. Children and other younger ones were constantly under fear of our getting infected. This created extra pressure on us to remain indoors and be safe. Only hope was an efficacious vaccine. The stories of vaccines development, procedure for approval and time line was diligently followed. The report referred to above provided details of all the research underway in India and similar reports of development by other international research centers was talk of the town. It was expected that we will have the Savior early in 2021. This wiki article provides details of indigenous efforts. https://www.wikiwand.com/en/COVID-19_vaccination_in_India.

Some governments have uncanny knack of creating avoidable controversies. And we are no different. Two Vaccines were approved for emergency use on January 1^st 2021 to be deployed on 16^th January 2021 to all those eligible for vaccination in Phase I. One of the two got approval without complete data for efficacy and that created controversy, although the developer is in the business for long and has reputation to be reliable vaccine developer and producer. The controversy was created since the approval was deemed to be granted to support Nationalist policies of the government, where it was not necessary.

We waited for our turn to come and that came as an announcement last week. Those above the age of 60 years were declared eligible to receive the shot from 1^st March 2021. Electronic and digital media were overflowing with the messages providing addresses of establishments where vaccines will be available, how to register and how to fix up appointment for the same. Interview broadcast on one TV channel with CEO of the company who developed application for managing the entire vaccination drive touted to be the number one in the world gave hope of India coming to digital age and systems getting rid of insensitive human service providers, providing much needed transparency in services and order.

I was eager to get the protective shot more to reduce anxieties we were creating among the younger ones located across the globe. I looked for all options to get the registration done. I even called up hospital near my house to check what will be the procedure. Till afternoon of 1^st March, that hospital had no information to provide.

I am an eternal optimist. I did not give up and towards evening of 1^st March could get a url of the portal which was for the application that CEO had promoted on TV, for registration and fixing appointment. 

I logged in and was mightily impressed. Very easy to log in for registration. Just one click. Just 5 data elements to be provided and you click to get registered. On confirmation it asked if I wanted to book an appointment. A couple of clicks on User friendly screen with pleasing interface (UI) providing delightful user experience (UX) and I had booked appointment for 2^nd March 2021 forenoon at a UHC (Urban Health Center) not more than 500 meters from my residence. What more can a senior citizen expect from a machinery known for corrupt practices and chaotic services? System asked 4 questions about state, city, area and PIN code and provided me 4 options in vicinity of my residence, to select from, both paid and unpaid. I preferred the paid hospital and looked for available date and time slot. That was grayed suggesting that option is not working. In fact I had phoned up the same hospital and was informed that they are not aware about the procedure till that hour which was afternoon of 1^st March 2021. I clicked the next option and got available date as 2^nd March and preferred time of forenoon. I confirmed and bingo, there was appointment confirmation for me to download.

I was so overwhelmed by the quality of initial experience of registration and appointment booking services that I became a promoter and spread the information about delightful UX to all who I thought should be interested in getting the shot. My excitement can be gauged by the fact that in the morning of 2^nd March I changed course of my normal morning walk and checked up before the sun was up, the location, gate, building and entry so that I can accompany other elders with least inconvenience.

The clock struck 10 am and we were at the UHC, all geared up with original photo Ids as instructed and screenshots of appointment confirmation in phone. There was a bit of a commotion at the entrance, which was expected since, I thought all those who had sought appointment were eager to get the shot before others. As I was approaching a table laid in the porch, I heard a very healthy employee of the UHC announcing that those who wish to get the vaccine shot must get a token and for that a queue should be formed. There was already one queue, I did not join that but asked a neighbor whom I spotted closer to the table. He indicated that he is already in the queue commanded by the healthy employee. The other queue turned out to be one for getting tested for Corona virus. Physical distancing was already given a go bye but people were donning the masks alright.  I do not know if I remained in the vicinity of those in testing queue for long enough time to get infected.

We all murmured about the appointment and the time we had invested in getting the same but the healthy employee was not ready to discuss that aspect nor to have a look at the screenshots. By the time queues got into shape we were in the sun for almost half an hour. I inched forward since we were committed to get safe. It must have been another half hour when some lady came out in the porch and shouted a number asking the numbered person to get aside since she was tested positive. My two co-beneficiaries were baking in the sun having parked themselves on stone benches donated by Municipal Corporators obviously from the taxes we pay. But it was bright and sunny and we were full of hope till 11:30 am.

I reached the table to seek registration. While providing the details to the lady wrapped in dupatta over her head and mask on her face, perhaps that is why she was screaming, I apologetically (at least I think I was apologetic) asked what will happen to the data I have already provided in to the system and who will suffer if the person makes an error while keying in the same data again? She obviously did not appreciate such questions. And suggested the data entry person shall show what is being keyed in. There would not have been any cause for me to feel aggrieved, had she not added a proviso. She suggested that I also should take the responsibility and not be resting while service providers are struggling. That was said in a manner calling for adequate response. It appeared my response was too acidic for her. She started crying and got up from her chair and left. That made my token getting process smoother.   

The healthy employee again shouted advising to ensure we do not loose the token, else we will be out. The token was of the size 1.5 cm x 2 cm and was very slippery in nature. I hid the tokens in Rs 500 note considering the cost I may have to pay. I had already baked myself well by that time, the clock showed 12:00 noon.

Our token numbers were 161, 162 and 163. And that enthusiastic service provider had announced that the number was carried forward from previous day’s last number of 108. Which meant there were 53 individuals luckier than us. He had also announced that he will call out the token number when our turn came and if we failed to respond, token will be considered invalid and we will have to repeat the process some other day. By that time he had not started calling out token numbers. He informed that those called for second shot will be attended first (he did not say that we will be second class citizens being senior citizens). I asked him if we can go back home and come later if he can give us time estimates. He was very clear that he can not commit such time. We decided to stay on in the sun, since taking the shot was not just our personal need it was service to society and nation, since protected populace will bring heard immunity and leaders were committed to achieve that state sooner than any other country on this planet.

We could creep into shaded steps entering the building by 12:30 and were overjoyed. This joy was multiplied when our child brought some cold drink (my favorite sweet Amul Lassi) and water bottle for keeps. By that time, around 1:00 pm, one of us had even found a chair. I asked the smiling but fat employee seeking permission to go home and eat before returning around 3:00 pm, since the token number had not gone past 114(?). His process concepts were rock solid and refused to take any responsibility for commitment that our rights through the minuscule tokens will be protected. We continued to enjoy the hospitality of the UHC, calculating how long will it take. All our calculations were wrong and we failed miserably in our math. The reason we came to know was the servers were taking too long to respond. By that time my phone battery was dying and I managed to conserve the power by switching off.

The systemic bugs were thrown up only when we moved into the sacred chamber of the doctor at 4:35 pm. I had switched on the phone before entering. Conserving battery turned out to be a well thought out action and proved to be a saving grace as I will explain. In a small whole, called Doctor's cabin, there were 4 persons already seated. One Doctor, a compounder who called the shots, a nurse who collected Photo Ids and another nurse doing the data entry using a mobile phone. When I gave my Aadhar card after initial entry the nurse announced “this aadhar card does not work”. I told her this was the same I had used for registration previous day and I was ordered to keep with me when I presented myself. She showed me her phone and said “system is not accepting”. She had a clue. She asked, do I have any other photo Id? I tried to bully and said why should I have? She was perhaps at her wits end after 7 hours and had turned cooperative. She said any scanned copy will also do. I obliged showing her my PAN card from Digilocker. The phone coming to my rescue.  She announced that I was registered. I got my shot at 4:41 pm and heaved I sigh of relief. At least children and other family members will be at peace. We have moved into safety.

Then came the turn of my wife. Her Aadhar card also was rejected. Her PAN card was produced and accepted, but my phone number to be used for communication related to her vaccination was rejected. We gave another number. When I looked at all the data I realized that system had records which I created, but failed to show the same to the registration nurse, the second user of the system. I concluded that the integration was an issue. The registration nurse and doctor who certified into the system that we were vaccinated could see data created by those two users. We were given one chit with some numbers scribbled which was to be shown to attendant of the room where we were supposed to be under observation for half an hour. That attendant was considerate and decided enough was enough and we could leave in 20 minutes.

Look at the irony. First message I received as we reached home was from the system congratulating us on having successfully got our selves first shot to safety with kind support from a Doctor named with phone number.

Corona: Observations, Experiences & Learnings– Part I

Virus from Wuhan, first information

I remember, we were in USA when I first heard about ‘some’ virus which had infected a city in China. It was December 2019 and I hardly took notice of that news item. While one is away from home, one hardly spends time listening to such stories. As days passed, the story started taking graver proportion and news of people infected by a new Virus, dying in large numbers in that city Wuhan, in China, made a daily headline.

Perhaps my knowledge about viruses and the way they propagate, was limited and therefore it did not scare me then. And who bothers in India about viruses? We are people with high immunity and can manage any variety of virus, known or unknown. At least that was the belief. I feel we were confident that world will take care of this virus also like it did of other varieties of Flu with various combinations of H & N, including Bird flu (H1N1), Influenza A (H3N2) and Asian Flu (H2N2).

(For more details about the family of Flu:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Influenza?wprov=sfla1).

But this turned out to be a different Flu. This one was found to be more stubborn. And of different lineage. We learnt a bit later that this was Severe acute respiratory syndrome coronavirus 2 (SARS-CoV-2) the virus that causes coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19), the respiratory illness responsible for the COVID-19 pandemic. (More on SARS:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Severe_acute_respiratory_syndrome_coronavirus_2#%3A%7E%3Atext%3DThe_first_known_infections_from%2Cexpansion_of_the_infections.?wprov=sfla1)

The disease spread like wildfire. The study of how it engulfed the whole world in a span of 4 months is very interestingly described by one newspaper report in The New York Times. The report quality also makes it an impressive reading. This report can be found at:

https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2020/03/22/world/coronavirus-spread.html

Lockdown

As if to prepare the citizens for impending doom, Government gave a call for Janata Curfew on March 22nd, 2020. Perhaps that was also not taken seriously by people. Sudden Lockdown effective 24th March 2020 and fructification of the fear that one will not be able to move out of home and that all businesses will be locked down, except the essential ones, was the starting point of realization about what we were heading for.

 When I reflect on that period of Lockdown 1.0, 2.0, 3.0 and so on and then gradual Unlock process  of  1.0,  2.0,  3.0  leading  to  current  5.0  and  the  current  state,  I  find  the  world  has changed and changed drastically.

 Changes I see

Lockdown was necessary from multiple perspectives and it could not have been later. It was required to restrict the spread of virus on one side and was required to enable health care service providers including governments to equip themselves with necessary gears and equipment. I am not sure how much was achieved during these months of lockdown in terms of capacity building but spread would certainly have been retarded.

Lockdown affected those daily rated employees who were suddenly, without any notice or planning rendered incomeless and ultimately homeless. We all are seized of what happened in the country. We would have been happier had Administration shown some empathy and managed the situation better.

Businesses were seen in their true color.  Some paid for the period, if not full at reduced salaries, large numbers raised their hands and left the employees to fend for themselves. Characters are tested in these extraordinary times. I wonder, when the going is great and business is booming, those same businessmen do not pay employees more than their dues, out of their higher profits, but when the business was down, not because of employees’ fault, businesses failed them.

There were individuals who came out to help those masses in time of their needs. Most of us wage earners also did rise above general meanness demonstrated by some of the businesses and paid domestic helpers their monthly wages during those days of immobility. I hope we have learnt lessons and will be able to plan lockdowns better, God forbid we may need to.

The advice that most impacted the society was “maintain social distancing”. I believe this was wrongly coined phrase.  What was meant to be maintained is “physical distance” and not social distance. On the contrary “social proximity” was more required during these times for supporting each other. Communication to educate people that the disease is highly infectious was so much overdone that people started seeing a “killer” in every unknown person coming in vicinity.

Lockdown and resultant confinement to four walls of the house also was against the basic nature of society. Human beings are social animals and keeping them away from society is acting against their very nature. Solitary confinement is a punishment meted out to criminals. Unknowingly the societies and nations were punished by nature, for some society having misbehaved with it. I could see the attempts of making people feel they are socializing by lighting of lamps and clanking of vessels.  Perhaps this aspect could have been better presented.

Changes are perceptible in the way we adapted to new norms of working from home. Suddenly Zoom and Google Meet and Microsoft Teams and so many other platforms found markets. Businesses used these technologies to return to normal. Society used the technology to socialize. Groups found ways and means of connecting and entertaining.

Teachers had to be retrained, more so in our country, to conduct classes virtually.  Some excelled, some are still struggling.  Students learnt use of technology and some may start misusing too. I wonder how would those municipal and government school children must be coping up? Who gave them internet access and hardware to remain connected?

Knowledge about virus, was found to be limited to some scientists and countries. In such a situation every Tom, Dick and Harry posed as a scientist. In absence of an authentic channel for communication, unlike CDC in USA, WhatsApp was used to promote all kinds of news, advices, and products. Some unscrupulous people took advantage of the panic prevailing to sell any concoctions in the name of preventive medicines and immunity boosters. Control was conspicuous by absence.

Learnings

Shall we as individuals, a society, a nation, or the body of nations, learn from this experience or once the vaccine is developed and the virus is controlled, we will be back to square one?

The extent to which the developed, European and American countries have suffered has taught us that all human beings, regardless of their religion, culture, customs, whether poor or rich are equal, when it comes to getting affected by pandemics and the fury of nature.

Businesses have learnt lessons of developing resilience and critical thinking in their cadres. The new norms of work from home have created new challenges of maintaining employee morale and keeping them engaged.  Absorption of technology in all possible processes and training their employees to get equipped is a bonus resulting into speed and efficiency of deliveries.

During these days of lockdown, we developed good habits. We reduced consumerism. We accepted that life goes on without many commodities and luxury. We realized that it is not necessary to be on the roads when not working. We learnt how we can help each other in the family by doing all big and small chores. We also learnt that we could remain together with the family for longer periods and take each other’s care. Shall we continue doing the same when the pandemics is conquered?

Many must have been benefited like I have been, by newfound interests in reading and writing.   Many   would have developed good habits. Many may have developed their professional skills making good use of the time saved due to reduced movement like commuting to workplaces and travels. Shall we maintain that growth trajectory?

The other critical aspect that the pandemics has taught us, is the need to be disciplined, be it using masks, washing hands or maintaining physical distance. Discipline in how we treat nature, how responsibly we conduct ourselves to not only protect ourselves but also fellow citizens and the environment. Unquestioningly following the laws enacted for our good, is a learning all of us must get committed to apply.

Some individuals demonstrated empathy, compassion, and care in such abundance! Those case studies must teach us the most critical human value of sharing and caring. I do hope we continue our good work of supporting the under-privileged and build a caring, empathetic, and compassionate society.

Vaccines

Our travel plans were sent on a spin due to restrictions in force in all countries. It appeared my younger one will have to be on her on to deliver her first child. I named him/ her Atmanirbhar in anticipation. In any case the word was adopted in Oxford dictionary in the annual exercise, thanks to the popularity it had received having been made a focus area by Indian Prime Minister.

Vaccine was awaited with bated breadth since that was the only savior. Pharmaceutical research rose above expectations and many research efforts produced efficacious vaccines in the world. More about vaccines and my experience of getting the first jab to follow in Part II.

Social Distancing!!!

Pandemic has done the damage, I feel. Or is it done by mankind, us, unintentionally?

To avoid infection distance required was physical, and we were told to create social distance. And we have done it. We are advised to consider each one trying to come close to you "a potential killer" to create that distance. Some have practiced to negligible effect, more compliant and afraid of virus have achieved greater distance. 

These days, or months now, life is "set" as the "lingo" goes. It has become so predictable that, if you know me, you can tell with confidence which chair I must be sitting on, if you are asked to tell, by looking at the clock or watch or the phone. Unfortunately no one asks you, and you get away, unscathed.

This virus has gained all the attention and importance from the day, the sole purpose of our (family members') existence, Ma, departed. To such an extent it has hurt us, that we could not pay our respect in public, we could not be together to mourn her nor even get nicely framed picture of her in our homes.

For me departure of Ma, the one to whom i was answerable and hence had to report on daily basis, and "social distancing" forced by pandemic, are a double whammy!! I wonder every day in the morning, those two hours we are fixated in rocking chairs, who do i talk to today? Some of you may know, i love talking, to some people. Ma was one to whom, when she was not at her Aadhar card address, i would talk to practically every morning, without any reason. She is not there now.

There are others to whom i would call up regularly, but they are distanced socially, for easons, i can not fathom. There are still some, who are mine and so much committed to me, i perhaps take them for granted and do not count them as those who are "not distanced". But the times have certainly changed, social and political distancing is changing the definition of society.

I was looking for answers to some social distancing related questions and i find, Social distance is the "measure of nearness or intimacy that an individual or a group feels towards another individual or group in a societal network or the level of trust one group has for another".

I was trying to get to the root of causes responsible for my feelings of being excluded and distanced. And hence looked for dimensions by which social distance is measured. I find there are four dimensions. Affections, Norms, Frequency of Interactions and Culture/ Habits.

Affective social distance measures the sympathy members of the group feel for other members and for other groups. Normative social distance refers to widely accepted and often expressed norms for considering some as insiders and others as outsiders. Interactive social distance measures frequency and intensity of interaction within and between groups. Cultural and habitual social distance is largely based on economic and financial disparity.

Distance i was feeling from those whom i would like to remain close must have been caused by disturbance in one or more of the dimensions, logically. I need to introspect and see which dimension i have mishandled.

I have another option. Fundamental Interpersonal Relations Orientation (FIRO) has a scale version B for behaviour, which measures how one feels when in a group when it comes to inclusion, control and affection/ openness or to be able to get feedback from people in a group.

I know i would like to be included in some groups. I know i would like to include some people in a group i am in. I know i would like to seek control over a group of my choice. I know i would be controlled by a group of chosen one. I know i like some people and i am liked by some. The disturbance must have taken place in these equations, i am sure.

Let me take FIRO-B and get the report, to feel better in these challenging times. I am fortunate to have Psychologists of some standing in the group i would like to be included in but not control. I have taken the test and am waiting for the report. I will analyse the same as soon as received and try to find ways and means to feel better, even if not included.

Political polarisation and its effect on Social Groups

I have been observing the interactions among members of the social groups, where i am a part of. This is a continuous process and I believe all of us subconsciously do and judge others on parameters we have decided for evaluation. 

I  try to observe, more than any other's interactions with me, my interactions with others. By now, most of you who have been observant, must have noted that this is my OCD. And I consciously think about events taking place around me, with the objectives of maintaining and strengthening harmony in the groups where I am a member of and mend my behaviour to achieve peace. This is purely because I am selfish and prefer to live in peaceful surroundings.

For some time, I have observed and experienced loss of harmony and peace in my immediate surroundings. 

That when members of social groups are face to face, opportunities do present themselves to express differing views, and depending on strength of personalities, arguments may achieve higher decibels. The technological advances have made things worse by facilitating intra-group interactions and communication, by permitting virtual gatherings. The opportunities of arguments resulting out of differing views are in abundance. It has further made such interactions resulting in catastrophic fall outs by hiding non-verbal communication.

I was trying to list out causes for differing views and realised that one of the critical areas for difference of opinion is Political scenario. Members of the social groups have developed strong views on the issue, thanks to propaganda on social media, highly partisan electronic and print media and own interests. Confirmation bias has added fuel to fire, since each one of us looks for information in all media which justifies our stand.

This led me to search for details related with Political Polarization and its effect on Social Groups. A Wiki page on the subject of "Political Polarization" defines Polarization as under:

"According to DiMaggio et al. (1996), "Polarization is both a state and a process. Polarization as a state refers to the extent to which opinions on an issue are opposed in relation to some theoretical maximum. Polarization as a process refers to the increase in such opposition over time." Polarization can be benign, natural, and democratizing, or it can be pernicious, having long term malignant effects on society and congesting essential democratic functions."

Wiki page further explains types of polarization as Elite, Mass, and Pernicious polarization. It states “Elite polarization refers to polarization between the party-in-government and the party-in-opposition” and “Mass polarization, or popular polarization, is stated to be occurring when an electorate's attitudes towards political issues, policies, and celebrated figures are neatly divided along party lines. At the extreme, each camp questions the moral legitimacy of the other, viewing the opposing camp and its policies as an existential threat to their way of life or the nation as a whole”.

The most dangerous variety in my perception is Pernicious Polarization. Wiki page goes on to describe that phenomenon as “In political science, Pernicious polarization occurs when a single political cleavage overrides other divides and commonalities to the point it has boiled into a single divide which becomes entrenched and self-reinforcing. Unlike most types of polarization, pernicious polarization does not need to be ideological. Rather, pernicious polarization operates on a single political cleavage, which can be partisan identity, religious vs secular, globalist vs nationalist, urban vs rural, etc. This political divide creates an explosion of mutual group distrust which hardens between the two political parties (or coalitions) and spreads beyond the political sphere into societal relations. People begin to perceive politics as "us" vs "them."”

And this is what is causing me most discomfort. I have observed, such discussions becoming so acrimonious that at times they result into break down of communication and estrangement of relations. Members of the social group demonstrating love and affection today, may be found to be with broken relationship, because of arguments over such unworthy causes, tomorrow.

I found that those who are arguing are intelligent and can defend their commitment successfully. Are we wise, to take the arguments to breaking point, was the question. What is the difference between “Intelligence” and “Wisdom” was a topic of next search and I came across this explanation:

• “Intelligence leads to arguments. Wisdom leads to settlements.
• Intelligence is heat, it burns. Wisdom is warmth, it comforts.
• Intelligence is pursuit of knowledge; it tires the seeker. Wisdom is pursuit of truth; it inspires the seeker.
• Intelligence is holding on. Wisdom is letting go.
• An intelligent man thinks he knows everything. A wise man knows that there is still something to learn.
• An intelligent man always tries to prove his point. A wise man knows there really is no point.
• An intelligent man speaks when he has to say something. A wise man speaks when he has something to say.
• An intelligent man preaches. A wise man reaches.
• Intelligence is good but wisdom achieves better results."

Let me be Wise.

I received another gem of an advice, which makes most sense for social groups and it says:

“Ships don’t sink because of the water around them; it sinks because of water that gets in them. Don’t let what’s happening around you get inside you and weigh you down.”

Amen!!

Strengths (!!!), where do they come from? (Part 3)

It was dark at 6 am, unlike previous 60 days when indirect light would let me see Her face, lying at 45 degrees for almost 10 weeks, in the hospital cot, which She hated.

She would be normally awake. She hardly could sleep at night. She, i am talking about, is the, sorry, was the, source of my strengths i referred to in earlier post (https://atulmankad.blogspot.com/2015/06/strengths-where-do-they-come-from-part-2.html).

I froze for a moment in the door to Her room, and begged Her for forgiveness for all the miseries she suffered in last 2 months, which i was, unknowingly responsible to have caused. I had tried to talk to Her, when She could hear, that what ever i was doing was to make her comfortable. She, perhaps not aware of her medical conditions, did not agree with me and was convinced that Her air-travel, it self a strenuous journey and subsequent sufferings were caused by my insistence that She returns to her address in AADHAR card. I wish my conclusions are wrong and that She agreed with me and thought as such, but could not say so.

My feeling of guilt is reinforced through references leading me to conclude that She was better in all respect where She was, including quality of the medical treatment and support, nourishments, engaging surrounding etc.

Circumstances in extended family, forced us to decide and undertake travel to north Americas, travel which was otherwise under contemplation subject to Her approval. She had said that if She moved away from Her address in AADHAR Card, She will not return. I feel responsible for what happened against Her will.

I was urging Her, standing in the door, trying to see the face which now can be seen only in pictures, to review her convictions, now when She can see past, present and future, and forgive me. I believe She would. She has given me the strengths and will not fault me.

Now when i am introspecting, i am trying to recall various interactions i had during these 60 days, which give me strength to believe She did change her views and pardoned me. Every one of those 60 days i would go to Her first when i woke up, if at all i was sleeping, at 6 in the morning  lean over Her, whisper in her ears to inform "દૂધ લઇ આવું". I would go so close, my cheeks touching Hers and she would return the touch with warmth and give me approval to go.

There were instances i would intentionally rest my head on Her shoulders and she would move her now bony fingers in my hair and convey affection.

Even when She could hardly speak, She would sing with us, when we would sing old songs she would recall and even suggest some more.

I made it a point to prop up her sagging confidence by reading everyday in the morning a page out of collection of learnings, family members have written, remembering Her father and a revered stalwart of my maternal family. She appreciated this gesture and listened to what children have written, including her own recollections. She perhaps admired these efforts of mine.

All present would gather by her bedside and make her talk about decades which have gone by, and surprisingly she would recall minutest of details from events which took place in mid 20th century, including how She was married to my father.

Her dehydrated frame was main persecutor. Legs and Arms constantly ached and they needed to be mended. She would appreciate job well done and shout also if pressure was applied wrongly or at wrong place. Getting these services made her most unhappy, since for all 94 years She had never asked for such help and managed on Her own routinely faced discomforts.

It became occupation for almost 10 of us to be by Her bedside in turn, for 60 days. Now when She was given to fire and fragments of remains were immersed in holy Narmada, we are without any occupation and are looking for what to do!!

Returning in the boat after immersing the remains I was cursing myself, how can i leave Her first in fire and then down this depth of river which had gushing waters, thanks to increased discharge from the dam upstream.

I was begging even then for mercy and forgiveness from Her, as i am doing now!!

Messages of condolence and sender's views of the personality have been and are still being received. I will compile and document them in next part.

VUCA

I am not an admirer of acronyms used left, right and center, in profession I am in. And that is more true with the title. Somehow from the day I heard, and that was much later than the day it was coined, I have almost hated it.

For those who are not privy to the treasure of acronyms used by these high IQ, high EQ and all other high Qs, professionals, "VUCA is an acronym - first used in 1987, drawing on the theories of Warren Bennis and Burt Nanus - to  describe or to reflect on the Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity and Ambiguity of general conditions and situations." (Source: Wikipedia)

VUCA as a model was conceived to help Business and Organizational Leaders to develop capabilities to manage in challenging situations. Awareness of such situations and preparedness to face them, is used to enable Leaders in developing appropriate responses relating to decisions they make, plans they put in place, manage risks, manage change and solve problems. The expertise developed can shape organizations, capacity to:

1. Anticipate issues;
2. Understand consequences;
3. Appreciate maze of variable;
4. Prepare for alternative realities and challenges; and
5. Interpret and address opportunities.

I was not looking for advices in managing business challenges. I was evaluating situations which have developed in my life, recently.

I was trying to find solutions and responses to challenges having suddenly arisen, like loss of a dear one resulting emotional trauma to family and handling situation and bring semblance of normalcy, unexpected turn of physical health challenges faced by an extended family member leading to disruption of plans due to uncertainties looming in the air, fury of nature disrupting normal life, communication and movement, my own innate feelings of being responsible for well being of family members in such situations, etc.

Does this not mean individuals also need to be aware and prepared for such VUCA in normal personal, family and social life? Can there be a program for developing competencies and capabilities for handling VUCA in personal life?

I am looking for answers and will be grateful for help in whatever manner my wellwishers can provide.