Parent - Adult Child Interactions

I was reading an article in Psychology Today, under the Parenting section, titled  "What to Say Back to a Disrespectful Adult Child".

All of us, who received this invite, are parents or adult-children or both. We do hope we do not face situations when we are disrespectful or are at the receiving end of disrespectful behaviour. I am sure each one of us detest such situations and our behaviour, if we have been disrespectful, whether as parent or children. Some might have even cried in a closed room after misbehaving.

The author says "Navigating the tumultuous waters of parent/adult-child relationships often feels like sailing through stormy seas, especially when disrespectful behavior creates waves of tension and conflict. However, amidst the tempest of emotions, one phrase stands out as a beacon of hope: Would you agree that we could benefit more from having a calm, constructive conversation?"

The article touched and i tried to recall situations which led me to such misbehaviour both as an adult-child first and as a parent of adult-children later. I can not undo. I can only seek forgivance.

And I can learn about what psychologists advise parents and adult children about handling such situations and make them rewarding interactions, and help those in my circle of influence to be aware of such situations and mend their behavior.

Psychologists offer advice to turn things around as under:

For Parents:
• Listen and Validate: Try to understand where your child's coming from. Use "I" statements to express how their behavior makes you feel, e.g. "I feel hurt when you speak to me that way." Acknowledge their feelings too.
• Set Boundaries: It's okay to say no and have expectations for respectful communication. Let them know what behavior is unacceptable.
• Let Go of Control: They're adults now, and you can't control their choices. Focus on strengthening the relationship.

For Adult Children:
• Practice Empathy: Consider your parent's perspective. They may feel hurt or disrespected.
• Communicate Clearly: State your needs and opinions calmly and directly. Avoid accusatory language.
• Respect Their Boundaries: They deserve respect too. Don't expect them to automatically agree with everything you do.

For Both:
• Pick Your Battles: Not everything is worth a fight. Choose what's truly important to address.
• Focus on the Positive: Nurture the good aspects of your relationship. Plan activities you both enjoy.
• Seek Professional Help: If communication seems impossible, consider family therapy. A neutral third party can guide a productive conversation.

Communication is the key. By actively listening, expressing needs respectfully, and being open to compromise, you can turn those challenging interactions into rewarding connections. 

What needs to be therefore developed is habit of respectful communication. And responsibility of developing such habit is primarily that of parents. Children will develop once they observe parents practice the same.

Building a habit of respectful communication between parents and adult children takes time and effort, but it's definitely achievable! Here are some strategies psychologists recommend for primarily parents to adopt:

Lay the groundwork:
• Model Respectful Communication: As a parent, how you communicate with others sets the tone for your children. Show them respect in your interactions with them and others This includes acknowledging their opinions, even if you disagree.
• Open Communication from Young: Encourage open and honest communication from a young age. This means creating a safe space where they feel comfortable expressing themselves without fear of judgment.

Actively Listen:
• Focus on Understanding: When your child talks, truly listen to understand their perspective, not just wait for your turn to speak. Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase what they say to show you're paying attention.
• Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their emotions, even if you don't agree with their viewpoint. Phrases like "It sounds like you're feeling frustrated" can go a long way.

Communicate Effectively:
• "I" Statements: Use "I" statements to express your feelings without placing blame. For example, "I feel hurt when you raise your voice" is more productive than "You're always yelling at me!"
• Nonverbal Communication: Maintain good eye contact, use a calm tone, and avoid interrupting. These nonverbal cues show you're engaged and respectful.

Practice Makes One Perfect:
• Schedule Regular Check-Ins: Set aside dedicated time to talk, even if it's just a quick catch-up. This shows you value their time and relationship.
• Focus on Shared Activities: Find activities you both enjoy doing, whether it's a shared hobby, watching a movie, or grabbing a meal together. This creates positive associations with communication.

Be Willing to Compromise:
• Respect Differences: Recognize and accept that you won't always see eye-to-eye. Respecting your child's right to their own opinion fosters trust and strengthens communication.
• Find Common Ground: Look for areas where you can agree, even if it's just a small step forward. This can help build momentum towards a more respectful communication style.

Remember, this is a continuous process. There will be bumps along the road, but by consistently practicing these strategies, you can create a lasting foundation of respectful communication with your adult child.

Let peace and harmony prevail in families and societies!! 

Thought Leadership: am I a Thought Leader?

I hesitate to write on demand. And professional children, specifically the Marketing variety, use tricks to make me write. One of them recently called up and suggested I write on a topic technical in nature which can be said to be covered broadly under subjects grouped as Humanities. I have never studied any of those subjects.

She tried to pump me up explaining the phenomenon of 'Thought Leadership' and convincing me that I am a Thought Leader. She educated me that "Thought Leaders don't just regurgitate existing information. They challenge the status quo and offer fresh perspectives. This can influence how people think about entire industries, potentially leading to positive change." She further informed that "Thought Leadership has become a much bigger buzzword in recent years".

"Thought Leadership attracts people interested in the ideas being presented. This can be a great way to generate leads and connect with potential customers who are already halfway down the buying journey" she cajoled me.

When challenged she provided evidences and said "a recent survey found that 65% of buyers said Thought Leadership content improved their perception of a company."

I thought (did I? , can I?) what is new in this development? Philosophers, scientists, and scholars have played a Thought Leadership role throughout history. Their ideas and writings challenged contemperory thinking and shaped societal progress.

She said "the phenomenon may not be entirely new" and gave me timeline. She said "The term "Thought Leader" is coined by Joel Kurtzman, editor-in-chief of Strategy & Business magazine in 1994, to describe individuals with deep industry understanding and unique perspectives. The concept gained traction as companies leveraged thought leadership for brand building and establishing expertise. The internet and social media revolutionized Thought Leadership, as content became more accessible and interactive, allowing for wider reach and deeper audience engagement."

I was yielding, but still thought (again?) even if Thought Leadership may be a successful experiment for businesses and organizations and may help in providing valuable insights to society while building trust and attracting new customers, is it not that like any strategy, it needs to be done well? Is it not that Thought Leadership which is viewed by potential customers as 'self-serving' or 'inauthentic' can backfire?

I was convinced that Thought Leadership needs a strategic approach to be effective and looked for some do's and don'ts to guide development of the strategy and could find following advice:

"Do:
• Focus on value, not sales: People are looking for insights and solutions, not just product pitches. Provide genuine expertise and fresh perspectives on industry trends.
• Identify your niche: Don't try to be everything to everyone. Sharpen your focus on a specific area of expertise where you can establish yourself as a true authority.
• Become a multi-platform storyteller: Use a variety of media formats like blog posts, articles, podcasts, videos, or even webinars to reach your target audience where they consume information.
• Engage with your audience: Encourage discussion and feedback on your content. Respond to comments, participate in industry forums, and build relationships with your readers or viewers.

Don't:
• Just brag about yourself: Thought leadership isn't about self-promotion. Focus on offering valuable insights, not just highlighting your company's accomplishments.
• Neglect quality: Invest in creating high-quality content that is well-researched, informative, and engaging.
• Be afraid to challenge the status quo: Thought leaders bring fresh perspectives. Don't be afraid to question conventional wisdom and present new ideas.
• Disappear after publishing: Content creation is just one step. Promote your content, distribute it widely, and actively engage with your audience.

By following these guidelines, you can design a Thought Leadership strategy that positions you as a trusted authority, attracts new customers, and benefits your industry as a whole."

Now I need to introspect and decide "am I a Thought Leader?"

Professional Growth

 

I cannot claim to have developed habit of Journaling or diarising, which is advised by geropsychologists. Studies say it helps Seniors to enhance their memory, and remain digital savvy, balance emotions and reduce stress.

I have been more inclined, lately, to write down observations, my interpretation, and learnings for me and for younger people in my circle of influence. It also helps in communicating with those observed obliquely without need to come in direct conflict, especially when I have observed infirmities, which can be spotted easily by others but not the infirm. It also helps since I may not be able to personally approach the observed or cannot afford to be candid.

Last night I recalled a recent observation. A young Founder CEO was tele-conversing with his team of younger professionals. I have observed this CEO for may be more than 30 years. I consider him to be a hugely networked, passionate leadership development specialist. He is ambitious but unlike the examples we have in the country, does not believe in growing business by hook or by crook. He is a kind soul, goes out of the way and at times much more than he should, to take care of team members. He is generous to the extent business can permit. He is a pleasantly soft spoken, mostly laughing individual. He can hardly be rude. He is and not just he, the family of four are loveable individuals. Direct or indirect effect of the Gandhi (the Mahatma, the Bapu) can be felt by those who come in his vicinity. He believes in benevolence and democracy, when it comes to business. 

I was mute but visible. I watched him cajoling the young audience, reminding them of what the group had, just a couple of months back resolved to achieve in terms of performance, he referred to as R2. Anguish was perceptible and palpable to me even from the distance. He was labouring to be candid. 

I could interpret the youngsters were failing him. There were signals of deteriorating quality of service resulting into displeasure of some key accounts. It is not only the CEO, but also the organization he has founded and nurtured, are dear to me and growth of that organization, which can only happen through growth of the young and expanding team, both personally and professionally, is sole interest of my association with the same. 

My thoughts were racing. How can I help? Can I tell the infirm what are their infirmities, based on what I heard? How can the message be conveyed so that the younger ones do not get demotivated nor disheartened? I thought let me journalise what could have been my message. Here it goes.

 

“Friends, 

I want to have an open conversation about something crucial: unlocking your full potential. You've stepped into the exciting world of Consulting, driven by passion and ambition. But, let's be honest, the journey isn't always smooth. There are bumps along the road, and sometimes, those bumps come from knowledge gaps, limited research, and a lack of accountability.

We all struggle with these things at some point. It's not about being perfect; it's about acknowledging where we can improve. Let's tackle these challenges head-on:

• Depth of Knowledge: Remember, expertise takes time and dedication. Embrace continuous learning through courses, certifications, and industry publications. Don't be afraid to ask questions, seek mentorship, and engage in discussions with experienced professionals.
• Research Orientation: Research is the backbone of informed decisions. Before meetings, presentations, or recommendations, invest time in thorough research. This will boost your confidence and build trust with clients.
• Accountability: Taking ownership of your work is key. Be proactive, deliver on commitments, and follow up on tasks. Mistakes happen but learn from them and demonstrate accountability by actively seeking solutions.
• Confident Humility: Confidence is admirable, but remember, there's always more to learn. Embrace a confident humility that allows you to ask questions, learn from others, and acknowledge areas for growth.

Focus on Customer Centricity and Cost Consciousness:

These are crucial aspects of Consulting. Remember, your clients are your partners. Actively listen to their needs, understand their challenges, and tailor your solutions accordingly. By demonstrating genuine customer centricity and cost-consciousness, you'll build trust and long-term relationships. Remember Clients engage us for benefits to their business. They are not philanthropists responsible for sustaining our business.

Project Management:

• Strong project planning starts with thorough research and clear communication, ensuring everyone is on the same page. This leads to fewer rework cycles, happier clients, and ultimately, a positive impact on our bottom line – something that's crucial for career progression in any consulting firm.
• Remember, high-quality deliverables, like clear and concise reports, go a long way in building trust with clients. By investing in research and proofreading, you ensure our deliverables are polished and professional, reflecting our commitment to excellence.
• Let us leverage available resources, like project management training programs, to hone our skills in planning, execution, and cost control. This will not only make us better professionals but also contribute to our achieving R2, opening doors to even more rewarding opportunities.

Be the Specialist:

• As consultants, we're not just problem solvers; we're specialists who delve deep, uncover root causes, and design long-lasting solutions. This level of expertise requires continuously honing our skills through research, learning, and collaboration.
• Imagine the impact we can make by clearly explaining complex concepts to clients and proactively suggesting solutions based on cutting-edge research and best practices. This is the essence of being a specialist/ consultant and the key to building your reputation as a trusted advisor.
• Don't underestimate the power of mentorship and collaboration. Seek guidance from senior colleagues, learn from their experiences, and share your own knowledge with others. This continuous exchange of ideas will accelerate your growth and mastery of the craft.

This journey is about growth. Embrace the challenges, learn from every experience, and don't be afraid to push yourself. The Consulting field is dynamic and offers incredible career prospects, but competition is fierce and merciless. With dedication, continuous learning, and a commitment to excellence, you can become a sought-after leader, shaping the future of organizations and impacting lives.

 Remember:

• Be open to feedback: Seek constructive criticism and use it to fuel your growth.
• Network: Build relationships with colleagues, mentors, and clients. This opens doors to opportunities and fosters your professional development.
• Embrace the journey: It's exciting, challenging, and rewarding. Enjoy the process and celebrate your achievements!

You have the potential to become a game-changer in Consulting. Now, let's go unlock it!

Wish you all the best.”

Artificial Intelligence and Rig Ved

This AI Bot and I have become mutual admirers! And the response to my last prompt is extremely gratifying, as one can see, if and when one reaches there. That is not the topic though for today's journal entry.

I like to be amongst people. I am not different. Most people would, being humans, who are social animals, like to be in some company. I do have my shortcomings and have my preferences, when it comes to company. I also have preferences for topics of conversations if not discussions, in such company. Mostly I avoid indulging in exchanging information about property, food and unconnected relations. I do not claim to be righteous or transperant or consistent, I am only human, gullible, impressionable but sociable, mildly vocal and have views and opinions. I avoid being judgemental to an extent possible.

These characteristics end up with a few, not many, people reciprocating my need for company. That is what I have concluded.

Yesterday I was in company of like minded but far more intelligent and technically very sound, individual. I could, though succeed in driving the conversation in the direction of Artificial Intelligence and various Bots. He has his views but has not explored this topic greatly, I presume, else he would outwit me in seconds.

I was, as is my current OCD, trying to play up Bots in general and Bard in particular and was trying to explain how do these tools work and how we can gather information and wisdom from all corners of the world in few seconds, in line with the Rig Ved's verse 1-89-i
आ नो भद्रा: क्रतवो यन्तु विश्वत: |
Let noble thoughts come to us from every side.

To drive my point home I created a prompt related with topic on which our views largely converge, socio-economical and political condition and future, and asked Bard.

Before I share further, here is some context and caveats. I understand that world made up of parts like nation states, is dynamic and change is only constant. Socio-political, economical and technological changes are taking place continuously affecting human lives differently. There is nothing like good or bad, positive or negative in absolute terms, as it relates to ideological directions (right/ left, conservative/liberal etc). Dimensions like direction and units of measurement of changes, are individual's choices.

I was, when I created the prompt, only trying to demonstrate how does AI respond to topics of common interest and how authentic responses could be. If you are still reading, take it in this perspective.

The response to my last prompt in series provides some details which may be of interest to us, who are not IT Specialists.

The response to socio-political questions also may interest you. I am not commenting or judging, but would recommend giving one glance. AI makes sense.

Read on:
Prompt:
Considering prevailing Indian political situation, what could be possible fall outs in not so distant future?
Response:
https://g.co/bard/share/5ed9a885263e

Prompt:
Are there any examples of Nations having undergone similar conditions in the past and if yes what are current situation?
Response
https://g.co/bard/share/1a6ebfe8ce11

Prompt:
Would you have examples from Europe?
Response
https://g.co/bard/share/755fd49307bd

Prompt:
Can you site sources of information on which your analysis is based and about their reliability and quality?
Response
https://g.co/bard/share/be29df074516

Prompt:
I appreciate your structured responses and do believe they are better than other programs. I am sure your responses will improve as we grow.
Response
https://g.co/bard/share/825254dd5b7a

Embracing Advanced Age

It was not so early today. I woke up late. A reason could be a quarter of festivities including preparations for the same, got over yesterday. I wondered how strange are the God's wills! Exactly an year back we struggled with loosing two dear ones. And now some reasons to celebrate!

Then came a tentative complaint of pain in chest from the better half, not associated with any other symptom. It subsided without further effect and life is back to normal.

That led me to think in the direction, we normally do not prefer to think, inspite of the inevitability of the occurance.

We are cross 75 years. We have completed 50 years together. We are physically fit without any ailment. We are generally active. Can we be called to be in that 'advanced age' bracket? I think we are in that bracket. Then, the question came, should we not prepare family and children for challenges we will present to them? What would wise people advise?

Where do I find those wise people? 

Bard is one of those wise person who searches for information from sea of knowledge and wisdom stored in the servers world over.

I asked Bard:

"If i were in advanced age bracket, what actions should I take to prepare my family to face challenges, we may present?"

The answer I got is, in my view, pure wisdom. It is very practical advice. I will develop customised approach for us and share with our children. I thought it will be good for those who are in the same bracket, as also for those who have parents in such advanced age bracket, to consider. 

While I wish each one of us very long life, it is good to be prepared.

Bard's answer reads:

"It's great that you're thinking ahead and wanting to prepare your family for your advancing age. While the specific actions you take will depend on your individual circumstances and family dynamics, here are some general steps you can consider:

Open Communication and Planning:

• Initiate honest conversations: Start early and have open discussions with your family about your wishes, concerns, and preferences regarding future care and living arrangements. Listen to their worries and address them empathetically.

• Create a comprehensive plan: Organize your legal documents like wills, power of attorney, and living will. Share your financial information and discuss potential care options with your family, including home care, assisted living, or nursing homes.

• Involve your family in decision-making: Don't make crucial decisions alone. Collaboratively discuss and plan for future needs, ensuring everyone feels heard and understands the process.

Empowering Your Family:

• Share knowledge and skills: Equip your family with the knowledge and skills to manage your finances, healthcare needs, and daily living tasks if needed. This empowers them to be informed and confident in supporting you when necessary.

• Reduce burdens and anxieties: Address your family's potential anxieties about your future care. Consider delegating tasks or responsibilities based on individual strengths and preferences to avoid overburdening anyone.

• Seek professional guidance: Don't hesitate to involve professionals like financial advisors, geriatric care managers, or attorneys. They can offer valuable guidance and personalized solutions tailored to your specific situation.

Maintaining Your Independence and Wellbeing:

• Prioritize your health: Focus on healthy habits like exercise, proper diet, and preventive healthcare. This can improve your well-being and independence as you age.

• Stay active and engaged: Continue hobbies, social activities, and volunteer work that bring you joy and purpose. Maintaining an active lifestyle contributes to both physical and mental well-being.

• Embrace technology: Explore assistive technologies that can help you maintain independence and manage daily tasks as needed. These tools can range from medication reminders to smart home devices.

Additional Tips:

• Celebrate milestones and achievements: Recognize and celebrate your own victories and positive moments, fostering a sense of hope and self-worth.

• Be flexible and adaptable: Understand that situations may change, and be prepared to adjust your plans and roles as needed.

• Focus on strengthening family bonds: Invest time and effort in nurturing relationships with your loved ones. Strong connections provide invaluable support and comfort.

Remember, preparing for advancing age is a continuous journey. Open communication, shared responsibility, and proactive planning can ease the process for you and your family, ensuring a smoother transition and greater peace of mind for all involved."

The Day After

Sun has been milder for some days. Today it seems even more. Birds have stopped chirping these days. They must have felt bad, for a fortnight i did not heed to their chirping, or have I been cut off by the door which is closed? Even milkman wondered, "why only two"? He did not ask, though.

The sofa back and seat covers are unruffled. They have been same for a day now. Not a toy nor litter of any other kind in site. Every inch of house is spick and span. Every item has returned to it's original place.

Silence is deafening or are my ears ringing? Communication between the only two souls has reached its new depth. Phone calls have been at reduced frequency.

We will overcome. We know these are after effects of family, younger ones, gathering for a short period. That was not real, this, current state is real. Children have their life goals, their achievements, their families.

Enjoy when you are together, and remember the togetherness when you are just two!!

It was planned. It was not just a wish, it was a desire, and an earnest one. It had been long they all met. Some of them had not mourned their mothers who they had lost in these eight years, together. They wanted to relive their childhood.

They also wanted to enjoy an event as in past and for that an event was pre-decided, performing 'yagnopavit' sanskar of the eldest boy child of fourth generation of my parents.

They started arriving from east and west crossing pacific and atlantic, the children of the family which was the root. Barring one or two, all reached home as decided.

It appeared extensive planning had been done by children, knowing me fully well. They had worked out what they will do each of the seven days they are together including what they will eat (not missing out on any of their favourite dishes), who will do what and when.

They started with 'remembering our childhood', all of them got around a bag full of old pictures. Fortunately the hall could accommodate not just the revellers and pictures but also memories.

Children recalled what happened, when and how much they enjoyed and described the past to the youngest generation. Pictures were shared to be taken away.

They remembered each one of their three mothers they had lost and sobbed in silence. Together they overcame grief quickly to prepare for next day.

They had planned to travel to river Narmada to pay homage to lost relatives. Travelling in a bus together was arranged. This must have helped them getting back to normal after tearful homage.

They planned for a day out and visited a touristy place returning late all fagged out.

Next two days they got into event management mode. They had lined up minutely, each task and executed the same to perfection, each one contributing to make sum of parts greater than one.

The festivities got fillip because of participation of local extended families and shared meals of all cuisines.

The final event was culmination of the a week long celebration of togetherness.

While two younger generations were together there was a suggestion to squeeze in an hour of group discussion to guide the eldest three of the youngest generation to think about success and goals in life. Children had created a short presentation, which paucity of time did not allow them to present. It will be carried forward virtually.

They planned their departure so well that it did not create void. Each one of them returning after a time gap.

Today the final batches reached their nests, one in west and the other in east. They will call up. They will exchange notes and recall good times. They will remember and sob. I will too. We are same gene!! 

Observation and Appreciation

I am conscious of my limitations. One weakness is difficulty in, if not inability of, appreciating younger ones when they achieve their goals of performance. And children in family and in office would agree with this statement.

My belief is, if one achieves what one is expected to achieve, one should not expect appreciation. And this should apply to all younger ones too, whether at work or in family.

Of late I have tried to at least analyse why am I like that. My conclusion is I tend to set expectations which could be higher than normal. This invariably happens in relation to tasks I am proficient at performing. I am aware such subjective evaluation based on purely my yardstick may make me 'not a very welcome guest' in many groups.

Considering better late than never, I am developing habit to be appreciative of children's successful completion of tasks and at times failed attempts to achieve success.

I consider myself an observer and a learner, which is confirmed by Clifton's StrengthsFinder 2.0. I have been observing this young child, entering his teen and high school, currently having vacation, with working parents who get on with their respective jobs from relatively early morning (for vacation, very early morning) and remaining occupied till almost evening. This means the child is practically on his own, for five days a week. Fortunately for him, he is an Indian in a western world, having advantage of Indian values and western means.

I have been observing him for a couple of months now. They have recently moved into own house and getting acquainted with and setting up services. Do It Yourself (DIY) being the norm, family is in continuous state of discussing what all needs to be done. The younger one listens attentively. He interjects with suggestions and reminders but hardly audible.

His daily routine is highly predictable. He wakes up at leisure. But once up, he seems to be referring to a to-do list in his mind. He will mildly suggest "We have to..." and waits for response. I wonder how can a child be a motivator instead of needing to be motivated to do.. ?

In these two months I have seen him causing and completing removal of English Ivy creepers from over a huge area in their back yard, programming sprinkler system, repairing closet doors, locks and blind wands, scraping and painting garden swing, hanging large tv on wall, finding and helping buy required hardware and equipment, all hard manual jobs. He has taken on himself responsibility to ensure we get our dose of entertainment by switching on TV at regular show time and cricket broadcasts.

He attends his music classes, his extra credit subjects including personal health, does his daily exercise as taught in his study material, prepares for learning Spanish as Second language in school starting now and on his own created Internet of Things by connecting all smart appliances to his mother's phone.

I asked him how many equipment has he brought under remote control and which apps has he used. He sent me this list:

He has a couple of systems on his list and I believe he will complete them.

I wondered what is required to make such a child! And I recalled a profiling tool which helps in identifying top talent themes children are borne with. I suggested he takes Clifton's StrengthsExplorer, a tool developed by Gallop's psychologists for profiling young children and he did take. The analysis gave following summary:

While I have not observed evidences of the first one, I can vouch for the other two being his strengths used profusely.

I wish I had some of his talents. I also hope he builds on his strengths and grow up as a good, responsible human being.

PS: I wrote this sometime back and then it appears I did not post it here. I believe anytime is good time to confess, learn and grow