Emotionally Intelligent Child

We were returning after dinner with a family, part of our extended one. And he said, out of nowhere, "**kaka loves me, i think. My heart felt very good".

I heard him mention to someone, "I am happy you came". I was more surprised when i was told that he, in the middle of night on hearing an exclamation of pain, asked his grand mother "Ma, are you OK?"

And when, in response to my question "do you know you are demonstrating high emotional intelligence", he said "i am copying you", I was clean bowled.

I am referring to my observations of and interactions with, a child of 4 years, growing in western culture, in company of father and mother only, without support of extended family members.

He has inherited gene from quite, introverted parents and so his behavior is an outcome of training and his observations, i believe. Else how can i explain his folding hands and saying "Namaste" to elderly neighbours whom he has not seen in his 4 years of age, without his parent asking him to do that!

And when I enquired to find if he can recognise his emotions and what causes the same, he was clear in his detailing. "Sometimes I am happy and sometimes i am sad. Sometimes i get angry." And he knows that if he is angry he must take a deep breath and be quite. Now that was like being a life coach for me.

I understand there are numerous studies on emotional intelligence (EI) in young children before they enter primary school. Research has shown that emotional intelligence can begin developing in early childhood and is crucial for social-emotional development.

Here's what studies have revealed about how young children may demonstrate emotional intelligence:

1. Emotion Recognition and Understanding
• Children as young as 2-3 years can identify basic emotions like happiness, sadness, and anger in others' facial expressions
• By age 4-5, they can understand that people might feel differently about the same situation
• They begin recognizing that emotions can have external and internal causes

2. Emotional Self-Awareness
• Young children start labeling their own emotions, though initially with basic terms
• They begin understanding that their feelings can change over time
• They demonstrate awareness of emotion intensity (e.g., "very angry" vs "a little angry")

3. Empathy and Social Skills
• Around age 3-4, children show concern when others are distressed
• They attempt to comfort others through actions like hugging or sharing toys
• They engage in cooperative play and show basic conflict resolution skills

4. Emotion Regulation
• Children develop strategies to manage their emotions, like seeking comfort from caregivers
• They learn to use words instead of physical actions to express feelings
• They begin using simple self-soothing techniques (e.g., deep breaths, self-talk)

I tried to look for advice for parents and found evidence-based strategies parents can use to develop and strengthen their child's emotional intelligence:

1. Model Emotional Awareness and Expression
• Label and discuss your own emotions openly: "I'm feeling frustrated because..."
• Share appropriate ways you manage your feelings: "When I'm upset, I take deep breaths"
• Demonstrate empathy in your interactions with others

2. Create an Emotion-Rich Environment
• Use everyday moments to discuss feelings
• Read books about emotions and discuss characters' feelings
• Play emotion-based games (like making different faces for emotions)
• Validate their emotions: "It's okay to feel sad when..."

3. Practice Active Emotional Coaching
• Help children identify and label their emotions in the moment
• Guide them through problem-solving when emotions are high
• Ask open-ended questions about feelings: "How did that make you feel?"
• Avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions ("Don't cry" or "It's not a big deal")

4. Teach Specific Emotional Management Strategies
• Create a "calm down corner" with soothing items
• Practice breathing exercises together
• Develop simple emotional regulation routines
• Help them identify their emotional triggers

5. Foster Empathy and Perspective-Taking
• Encourage them to consider others' feelings
• Point out social cues and body language
• Discuss how their actions might affect others
• Praise acts of kindness and consideration

6. Set Clear Boundaries While Being Understanding
• Maintain consistent rules while acknowledging emotions
• Separate emotions from behaviors: "It's okay to feel angry, but we don't hit"
• Help them find appropriate ways to express strong feelings

7. Create Safe Spaces for Emotional Expression
• Allow them to express all emotions safely
• Listen without judgment
• Avoid rushing to fix their problems
• Make time for one-on-one conversations about feelings

Hope we will be able to contribute in developing emotionally intelligent society by helping our children be emotionally intelligent.