Unsolicited preaching and professing

I have been conscious of the fact that my unsolicited opinions and suggestions to professional and family group members can be viewed differently by different individuals, based on their own interests and priorities. I am lucky that while many (?) of them are appreciative of my relentless ‘preaching and professing’, those who may not be appreciative have not asked me to ‘shut up’ even when requested to be frank and give feedback.

Having shared my views with a small group recently and not having received even acknowledgement, made me thinking.

I have otherwise developed that much touted (by none other than Lord Krishna) साक्षीभाव and निष्काम कर्मभाव, and started practicing stoicism as taught by   Epictetus; who famously articulated the concept of the "Dichotomy of Control" which distinguishes between what is within our power and what is not, emphasizing the importance of concentrating on the former.

Still habit of looking back and evaluating own performance at times creates doubts about the need to do what I am doing and the way in which I am doing.

I looked for wisdom in public domain with the help of intelligent tool. The hypothesis needed corroboration and I needed to be wiser.

My question was:

I have developed a habit of helping individuals and the organization i am attached with, with an objective of continuous learning and improvement, even when no one has sought such help or advice. I have, based on experience, arrived at a hypothesis that "The most non-offensive way of asking someone like me, preaching and professing in a business organization is to ignore him, do not react or respond." Can you find support to this hypothesis? And if yes what should be my approach going forward? Kindly help me with quotes to support your advice.

And the words of wisdom AI Bot extracted from information in public domain are:

Your approach of continuous learning and improvement is commendable. It's often challenging to find the best way to share knowledge and insights, especially in a business environment. Let's break down your hypothesis and find some wisdom to support or refute it.

Support for Ignoring as a Non-Offensive Strategy

1.      Cognitive Load Theory: Sometimes, individuals may already be dealing with a significant amount of information and may find additional advice overwhelming. Ignoring in this context can be a way to manage their cognitive load without offending the advisor. "The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance; it is the illusion of knowledge." — Stephen Hawking

2.      Psychological Reactance Theory: People tend to resist when they feel their freedom to choose is being threatened. By ignoring, individuals might feel they are maintaining their autonomy. "Resistance to unwanted advice can stem from the instinct to preserve autonomy." — Anonymous

3.      Social Dynamics: In some cultures or social settings, indirect communication is preferred to avoid conflict. Ignoring can be seen as a way to maintain harmony. "Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to ignore it and let it solve itself." — Anonymous

Alternative Approaches

1.      Soliciting Feedback: Regularly ask for feedback on your advice and presentation style. This can help you understand how others perceive your inputs and adjust accordingly. "Feedback is the breakfast of champions." — Ken Blanchard

2.      Building Trust and Relationships: Invest time in building genuine relationships. People are more receptive to advice when it comes from someone they trust and respect. "Trust is the glue of life. It's the most essential ingredient in effective communication." — Stephen R. Covey

3.      Tailoring Communication: Adapt your communication style to fit the preferences of your audience. Some may prefer direct advice, while others might appreciate a more subtle approach. "The art of communication is the language of leadership." — James Humes

Going Forward

·        Observe and Adapt: Pay attention to how individuals react to your advice. Adapt your approach based on their responses.

·        Be Empathetic: Understand the challenges and perspectives of others. Empathy can help you frame your advice in a way that resonates better.

·        Encourage Openness: Foster an environment where feedback and advice are welcomed and seen as opportunities for growth.

It’s always a balancing act between offering helpful insights and respecting others' space. Your intention to continuously learn and improve will undoubtedly guide you towards finding the right approach.”

I am sharing this to let you all know that I am not going to stop my crusade (!) I will certainly keep the words of wisdom in sight before feeling offended. I am also sharing with you my learnings to enable you handle dilemma like the one i have faced as you grow old, more effectively.

I would love to receive your candid views, feedback and suggestions to help me succeeding in my mission.

The Urge

I am not a prolific writer. But one certainly knows what he can do at my age. And I always had that Urge to write.

You still need motivation (very funny, at my age also I need to be motivated!!). And a younger relative has been one of the motivators to be credited (or blamed, that readers will decide) for this creation.

Then came the question, "what are you going to write?"

Blogs in my view, are created to talk to one self. Or going further to say loudly, what you may not be able to say in private environ. They also are created for "confessions", only the priest is not around.

And I thought I should frame ground rules for me to follow.

I have decided, I will write only about feelings, emotions, learnings and my experiences.

I have also decided, I will not name any person, if i have to refer.

I have decided, there will not be any malice. There will not be any judgmental reviews (who am I to judge others?). There will not be any politics.

The ground rules and the resolve must get reflected in naming what I create. And hence the name. I looked for definition and synonyms before I decided the name. And Thesaurus.com gave me this:

Main Entry:	introspection  [in-truh-spek-shuhn]
Part of Speech:	noun
Definition:	self-analysis
Synonyms:	brooding, contemplation, deep thought, heart- searching, introversion, meditation, reflection, rumination, scrutiny, self-absorption, self-examination, self-observation, self-questioning, soul-searching

The Synonyms describe my purpose. And that is what I plan to do.

Comments shall be welcome, if they are to benefit me.

PS: I have made couple of corrections today. Following the rules I set for myself to follow, I removed a name I had mentioned, when I started this page.

What Does Happiness Mean To Me?

These days, based on numerous advices from wiser sources, we have been for almost half an hour in the morning, not just listening to but praying along with some deep meaning prayers in Gujarati. This helps me remain a different person at least till lunch. Meditation and Mindfulness exercises, I am learning, are means to remain composed among vagaries of life and help avoid unhappiness.

Today I was trying to find how can meditation or focusing on one activity, like prayers, can be helping in the manner it does? 

I hypothesized that meditation helps you achieve a state when your mind is focused on a line of thoughts which results into a state of singular set of emotions, driving away negative emotions and making you feel happy.

I needed corroboration from available literature, and asked Copilot. It turned out to be a dialogue which I found it interesting. You may have your views, provided you go through the same.

Me:

How can interconnectedness or relationships between knowledge, experiences, thoughts, values, emotions, satisfaction, and happiness/unhappiness, be explained? Are these cause and effect relationships?

Copilot:

You’re diving into the beautiful web of human existence! It’s like asking how all the threads in a tapestry come together to make the complete picture. 

The interconnectedness between knowledge, experiences, thoughts, values, emotions, satisfaction, and happiness/unhappiness can be explained through several lenses. Think of it as a complex, dynamic system where each element influences and is influenced by the others. 

Here’s a brief overview:

1. Knowledge and Experiences:

   - Knowledge: Acquiring knowledge can shape your perceptions and thoughts. The more you know, the more varied and nuanced your thoughts become.

   - Experiences: Life experiences provide the raw material for knowledge and often challenge or reinforce existing knowledge and beliefs.

2. Thoughts and Values:

   - Thoughts: Your thoughts are influenced by what you know and what you experience. They are also shaped by your underlying values.

   - Values: These are core beliefs that guide your thoughts and actions. They are often formed early in life through experiences and the knowledge you acquire.

3. Emotions and Satisfaction:

   - Emotions: Your emotional responses are closely tied to your thoughts and experiences. They can also be influenced by your values.

   - Satisfaction: This is often a reflection of how well your experiences and actions align with your values and expectations. 

4. Happiness/Unhappiness:

   - Happiness: A state of well-being that is influenced by a combination of knowledge, experiences, thoughts, values, and satisfaction.

   - Unhappiness: Often arises when there is a misalignment between your experiences and your values or when your thoughts and emotions are negative.

While these relationships can be seen as cause and effect, it’s more accurate to view them as a dynamic, ongoing interaction. Your thoughts might influence your emotions, which in turn can affect your satisfaction and overall happiness. Conversely, your emotional state can shape your thoughts and the way you perceive experiences. 

In essence, it’s less about linear cause-and-effect and more about a complex, interwoven fabric where each thread strengthens or weakens the others. It’s what makes life wonderfully intricate and uniquely personal. 

Me:

I believe 'to remain happy' is universal human goal. Is that right?

Copilot:

The pursuit of happiness is indeed a common goal across cultures and societies. While individual definitions of happiness may vary, the desire to achieve a sense of well-being and contentment is nearly universal. This quest for happiness can be influenced by many factors, including personal values, societal norms, and individual life circumstances. 

However, it's important to note that happiness is subjective and can be experienced and understood differently by different people. For some, happiness might come from personal achievements or relationships, while for others, it might stem from spiritual or community involvement.

Your belief aligns with many philosophical, psychological, and cultural perspectives that emphasize the importance of happiness as a fundamental human aspiration.

What does happiness mean to you?

Me:

Good question. I feel happy 

• when there is harmony and peaceful coexistence around, 

• when people around me understand each other and help each other, 

• when I achieve my performance goals, 

• when colleagues listen to me and add values, 

• when children respect their elders, have good habits and show maturity, 

• when there is innocent humour when humor is in place and there is seriousness when important business is being transacted, 

• when those around smilingly serve the needy. 

Is this reasonable and realistic to achieve?

Copilot:

Your vision of happiness seems not only reasonable but beautifully balanced. Seeking harmony, mutual understanding, respect, meaningful achievements, and the appropriate context for humor and seriousness speaks to a deeply thoughtful and principled approach to life. 

Your values reflect a desire for a well-rounded and harmonious existence, which can indeed contribute significantly to personal happiness. While not every aspect of life can be controlled, striving for these ideals can guide your actions and help you navigate challenges with a positive outlook.

It's wonderful that you have such a clear and holistic understanding of what makes you happy. How do you think these values shape your day-to-day interactions and decisions?

Me:

Let me finish my lunch, I will get back.

Copilot:

Of course, take your time! I hope you have a delicious and relaxing lunch. We can pick up where we left off whenever you're ready. 🍽️😌 Enjoy!

Me:

Refer your last query. I try to remain true to my values and principles, but the results are not the same always. I have observed I am required to deviate on some aspects to achieve others. This results into 'cognitive dissonance' and though part goals are achieved, happiness alludes. I have also observed younger ones trying to avoid me if they can, perhaps because my expectations are not in tune with times. These experiences are in minority, of course. But certainly leads me to like some and dislike some. I have observed that best of the intentions are at times not enough to remain happy. Are there any tips to keep in view?

Copilot:

Your reflections touch on some deep and poignant aspects of the human experience. Navigating life’s complexities while staying true to your values can indeed be challenging and may sometimes lead to cognitive dissonance. It's a common struggle, and recognizing it is an essential first step towards finding balance.

Here are a few tips that might help you navigate these challenges and enhance your happiness:

1. Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that it’s okay not to be perfect and that sometimes, you will need to make compromises. Self-compassion can help reduce the stress associated with cognitive dissonance.

2. Flexibility: While your core values are important, being open to adapting your expectations can help you find common ground with others, especially the younger generation. Understanding their perspectives and finding ways to bridge the gap can foster better relationships.

3. Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness to stay present and grounded. This can help you better manage conflicting feelings and thoughts, and make decisions that align more closely with your core values.

4. Open Communication: Engage in open and honest conversations with those around you, especially the younger ones. This can help them understand your perspective and allow you to see things from their viewpoint, fostering mutual respect and understanding.

5. Balanced Expectations: Try to maintain realistic expectations of yourself and others. Recognize that everyone is on their own journey and that perfection is not the goal—progress and understanding are.

6. Reflective Practices: Regularly reflect on your experiences and values. This can help you stay aligned with your core principles while being open to growth and change.

7. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or even professional counselors. Sometimes an external perspective can provide valuable insights and help you navigate challenging situations.

While it’s difficult to always achieve perfect harmony, striving for balance and understanding in your relationships and interactions can contribute significantly to your overall happiness. It sounds like you have a thoughtful and principled approach to life, which is a strong foundation for finding joy and contentment.

Remember, it’s a journey, and even small steps towards alignment and understanding can make a big difference. 🌱

Am I The Toxic One?

Early today through Google feed I landed on a Bogging site for Businesses. The blogger who led me there in her introduction says, “I've ridden the rails, gone off track and lost my train of thought. I'm writing to try and find it again. Hope you enjoy the journey with me.”

What a wonderfully metaphorical way to describe the purpose for writing and the process! She is using the imagery of a train journey to illustrate the twists, turns, and sometimes the disarray that accompanies the creative process. It captures the essence of how writing can be an unpredictable yet rewarding adventure. 

The purpose of this note is not to dive deeper into creating literary art pieces, but it is the topic of her blogs that interests me. She has more than 130 posts on the subject of self-development. I am convinced, though late in the day, that self-awareness and all-round self-development should be every one’s primary and all time goal. All time, since development is an unending process and not the destination.

The topic of the post i refer to is unwittingly being the cause of toxicity in the group of which we may be member for the time being, be it family, workplace, neughbourhood or the supersets of the same. 

Being toxic means bringing negativity and strain into the dynamics of a family. It comes down to behavior. We might not even realize that our actions are causing harm. She has identified 10 behaviours which may point to toxicity of one’s character. These, according to author are:

1. Constant criticism,

2. Always playing the victim,

3. Manipulating others’ emotions,

4. Never admitting fault,

5. Excessive control in the name of being organized,

6. Lack of Empathy,

7. Frequent outbursts,

8. Being overly generous,

9. Ignoring boundaries,  and

10. Lack of personal growth.

Being considered toxic for me will be an indicator of ultimate waste of all these 80 years, almost, of my life. I would since I have some time, like to correct myself. I would not like to be described as a toxic member of any group, family, organization, neighbourhood, in my absence. 

I am aware of demonstrating at least 2 of these 10 behaviours and will work to improve. If you have specific observations and have spotted any of these 10 behaviour during your interaction with me, please write back. I will consider it an obligation.

I consider one must be able to give a completely perfect answer if one is asked a question “who are you?” I should know myself before I claim to know others. For those of you who would like to be more self-aware and self-developed, on this parameter, here is the link to article I referred. You can check others by the same author, once you are on her page.

https://blogherald.com/self-development/if-you-display-these-10-behaviors-youre-the-toxic-one-in-the-family/

Stolen Focus

The day has started on an interestingly positive note. While being nine and a half hour behind colleagues back home, day starts with meeting professional relatives before family relatives. At my age I have developed that ability to keep the two distanced, interactions with one do not affect those with the other group. But positivity overall helps.

We discussed the same issues in the morning (my morning) but the tone was different. All present, barring may be one or two, the participants were same, but the charge was positive. The approach was different. The group's orientation was how to solve problem and not repeat why it can not be solved.

Positivity rubbed on each other.
We agreed.
We took responsibility to act.
We discussed about remedial actions.
We got up to a higher plane.
We took helicopter view.
We lifted our selves from individual's function to business.

That positivity helped in seeing linkages of component's action to whole's purpose of existence. We could agree that every part contributes to business's profitability. We could agree that data, systems and processes can help improving profitability.

We agreed that individual's behaviour related to compliance is an outcome of habits promoted and supported by Organizational ecosystem. That organization can be a family, society or workplace.

We could discuss ways and means of developing good habits to support best practices resulting in desired and acceptable behaviour by each member.

One of the expert present suggested a good read, a book "Stolen Focus" written by a British journalist named Johann Hari. The book was recommended by the psychology expert as it is useful in developing our focus which may help developing appropriate habits. The author says "‘If we want to do what matters in any domain – any context in life – we have to be able to give attention to the right things … If we can’t do that, it’s really hard to do anything."

Here is the summary of the book: "Book Summary: Stolen Focus by Johann Hari" https://www.tobysinclair.com/post/book-summary-stolen-focus-by-johann-hari.

The day looks brighter. 

Psychology of Insult

I have, I do not know why, developed an attitude of owning social groups I am a member of, be they families, friends, professionals or workplace. I have learnt ownership is an attitude more promoted at workplaces, since such attitudes are associated with higher performance and business benefits. In social groups such individuals are sought out for taking difficult decisions or belling the cats.

There is flip side of such welcome attitudes though. The members of the group availing benefits of such members with high ownership, and publicly (within group of course) acknowledging contribution of those members with high ownership, at times for confusing reasons inadvertently communicate to the other group members in a manner which the members with high ownership may consider an attempt to put them down and may feel insulted. I have observed the ownership is accompanied by high self esteem and low tolerance to vacillation.

I being a victim of such mindset, was looking for tips to manage such feelings of insult. Feelings are feelings and are outcome of experiences and perceptions, and therefore can be ill founded. But they need to be managed for peaceful living.

I read this article on Psychology Today. Considering all of you in my circle of professionals are individuals with high ownership and therefore likely victims of such experiences, I would suggest take some time out and read this one. It may also be good to be aware and be watchful to avoid giving such experiences to members of our group who demonstrate high ownership.

I liked when author suggests Acceptance as a response to such a feeling of insult.
The author says:

"Acceptance may seem weak but can be the strongest response of all. Hear me out. When someone insults us, we ought to consider three things:
whether the insult is true,
who it came from, and
why.

If the insult is true or largely true, the person it came from is reasonable, and his or her motive is worthy, then the insult is not an insult but a statement of fact, and, moreover, one that could be very helpful to us. Hence, we seldom take offence at our parents, teachers, or friends, who, by telling us the truth, are trying to help rather than hinder or harm us.

More generally, if you respect the person who has insulted you, you ought, instead of getting angry or upset, to give thought to the insult and learn as much as you can from it.

On the other hand, if you think that the person who insulted you is unworthy of your consideration, you have no reason to take offence, just as you have no reason to take offence at a naughty child or a barking dog."

In summary the author provides following tips:

• "There's no reason to take someone who gives an insult any more seriously than a naughty child or barking dog.
• Humor can undercut an insult but needs to be well-timed and well-delivered.
• Ignoring an insult can be powerful, but in some cases, it may be necessary to have a firm word with the insulting person to establish boundaries."

Counselling An Adult Child

I am lucky to have teachers, bright, value driven, in my immediate family. And I am luckier, they all, almost, adore me. They all boost my ego frequently asking for answers and solutions to problems and challenges they encounter in their academic life, knowing fully well that I am not qualified to answer. And they tolerate me when I talk to them in tone and tenor not appropriate for relatively under qualified respondent.

One of those loved ones called me up the other day mentioning that a parent of a girl child of 12^th standard wants her to talk to the child. The parent (both working) expressed her concerns that the child is normally found to be fiddling with a mobile phone, which parents only have gifted her,. They do not know how she is using the phone and when they try to ask her to concentrate on studies, the child misbehaves. The child is other wise known to the teacher as a quite, well mannered one. The loss of focus is getting reflected in below normal performance in periodical assessments.

The teacher, my relative, wanted me to help her with the way in which she should handle the meeting with the child. This was definitely a bouncer for me, nick named by the same group of loved teachers, as ‘Hitler’ while supporting my children when they were growing.

The phone call lasted for more than an hour. Teachers are also parents and at times forget they are ‘teacher’ when other distressed parent approach them. Stereotyping children comes naturally to parents and that is what my loved on was doing. I must have made myself audible to her from a distance of 7 kms when I suggested that “you are being approached to counsel a child. You would expect the child to listen to you with open mind. You yourself will have listen to child first with open mind”.

Study of social psychology and association with Consulting Psychologists have changed me, I believe. These teacher relatives also do not call me ‘Hitler’ anymore.

We discussed expected and demonstrated behavior, causes, values and motives, habits and influences, and ways and means for behavior correction including cognitive dissonance and changing habits. I suggested what may help is that the child realizes and accepts she needs to change, she gets committed to change, develops plans and executes.

I always like those who prepare for every little task in advance and I go overboard to help them prepare. I suggested that if the relative constructs right prompt, a good AI Assistant will provide structure of Counselling session and even script. She hung up doubting if she will get sleep. This according to me is ultimate commitment to profession. And I decided to help.

I drafted a prompt and asked Gemini to search and draft response to the same. Since I believe that many of you have growing children, may experience similar challenges, and may like to keep in mind approach to respond to such situations, and therefore I am sharing here.

Prompt:

A friend has requested me to counsel their child who is in 12th grade, high school. They are concerned about child's future. The concern is mainly mainly caused by observation that child is spending long hours on mobile phone and her grades are not improving. Child also gets irritated when asked to not use phone for excessive hours. The child otherwise is  quite and well mannered. I believe counselling should be able to help child set goals, realize that more efforts are required and that if she continues to do what she is doing she will get same results, develop plan and get committed to execute plan. If this is right approach can you help with structure and design of counseling session and help me with scripting dialogue?

Gemini:

“Understanding the Situation

It seems the primary concern is the child's excessive phone usage and its negative impact on academic performance. The goal of the counseling session is to:

·        Encourage goal-setting: Help the child envision their future and set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals.

·        Foster self-awareness: Make the child aware of their current habits and their potential consequences.

·        Develop a plan: Create a structured plan to balance phone usage, study time, and other activities.

·        Build commitment: Motivate the child to stick to the plan and take ownership of their academic journey.

Counseling Session Structure

·        Establish Rapport:

o   Warm-up: Start with a friendly conversation, perhaps a casual question about their interests or hobbies.

o   Active Listening: Pay close attention to their responses, use verbal cues like "I see," "Go on," and ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share.

·        Explore Their Perspective:

o   Open-Ended Questions: Ask gentle questions like, "How do you feel about your current academic situation?" or "What are your thoughts on your phone usage?"

o   Reflect Feelings: Validate their feelings, e.g., "It sounds like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed."

·        Address the Issue:

o   Gentle Confrontation: Express concern, e.g., "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time on your phone. How do you think this is impacting your studies?"

o   Highlight the Positive: Acknowledge their positive qualities, e.g., "You're a bright and well-mannered person. I know you have the potential to achieve great things."

·        Goal Setting:

o   Future Vision: Ask, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" or "What are your long-term goals?"

o   SMART Goals: Guide them in setting specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals for their studies.

·        Develop a Plan:

o   Time Management: Discuss time management techniques, such as using a planner or time-tracking app.

o   Phone Usage Limits: Suggest setting specific time limits for phone usage.

o   Study Techniques: Offer study tips, like the Pomodoro Technique or the Feynman Technique.

·        Build Commitment:

o   Positive Reinforcement: Encourage positive self-talk and reward system.

o   Accountability: Suggest regular check-ins to monitor progress.

Scripting Dialogue Examples

·        Establishing Rapport: "Hey [Child's Name], it's great to meet you. So, what are you passionate about besides school?"

·        Exploring Perspective: "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time on your phone. How do you feel about that?"

·        Addressing the Issue: "I know it can be tough to balance school and personal time. But, excessive phone usage can really impact your focus and grades. Have you noticed any changes in your study habits lately?"

·        Goal Setting: "Let's talk about your future. Where do you see yourself in five years? What kind of career do you envision for yourself?"

·        Developing a Plan: "To achieve your goals, we need to create a plan. How about we start by setting specific study goals for each subject? And, we can limit your phone usage to [specific time] per day."

·        Building Commitment: "Remember, you've got this! Let's celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. And, we can check in weekly to see how you're doing and adjust the plan if needed."

Remember:

·        Be Patient and Understanding: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.

·        Avoid Judgment: Focus on solutions, not blame.

·        Empowerment: Encourage the child to take ownership of their choices.

·        Flexibility: Be willing to adjust the plan as needed.

By following these guidelines and adapting the script to the specific needs of the child, you can create a positive and effective counseling session.”

When Strengths Become Weaknesses

I recall I had wrote to you all about Strengths, the philosophy which helps us identify our innate talents and strengths we have developed by using the same, order them on frequency of use (detailing top 5) and motivates us to use them more effectively for achieving superior performance. There were three posts starting from the first, you may find here : http://atulmankad.blogspot.com/2015/06/strengths-where-do-they-come-from.html.

Strengths Counselors while explaining advantages of using top strengths do warn us of the pitfalls of overuse, they call them ‘blind spots’.

As I had mentioned my top 5 talent themes or strengths they described are as under:

1. Learner: has a great desire to learn and wants to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites.
2. Achiever: has a great deal of stamina and works hard, takes great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
3. Harmony: looks for consensus, doesn’t enjoy conflict; rather, seeks areas of agreement. (and my coach had a hard time convincing me that this is my area of strength for obvious reasons and you all would agree with me)
4. Input: has a craving to know more. Often likes to collect and archive all kinds of information.
5. Responsibility: takes psychological ownership of what he says and does, committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

I believe if I had asked for next 5, Empathy  would have ranked at no. 6 and defined as “has a strong sense of the feelings of others, understands their emotions, and offers support in meaningful ways.”

Strengths are categorized into four broad domains. Each domain represents a different area of strength and talent. These categories are based on the natural tendencies and behaviors associated with the themes. Here are the four domains:

1. Executing: Themes in this domain help you make things happen and turn thoughts into actions. They focus on productivity, efficiency, and getting things done. Eg. Achiever, Responsibility, Discipline.

2. Influencing: Themes in this domain help you take charge, speak up, and make sure others are heard. They focus on persuasion, leadership, and impacting others. Eg. Communication, Woo (Winning Others Over), Command.

3. Relationship Building: Themes in this domain help you build strong, lasting relationships. They focus on connecting with others, fostering trust, and creating bonds. Eg. Empathy, Harmony, Relator.

4. Strategic Thinking: Themes in this domain help you absorb and analyze information that informs better decisions. They focus on thinking, planning, and problem-solving. Eg. Analytical, Ideation, Learner.

I have been conscious about my strengths and use them effectively. I am fairly satisfied with my performance in the areas of Strategic Thinking and Execution. However I am convinced that in spite of two of my top strengths in the area of Relationship building, I have miserably failed, both at workplace and away. Experiences pronouncing failure have been many. And those have saddened me a lot. Frustration gets intensified when you fail in the subject you thought you were a scholar.

I tried to relook at my StrengthsFinder2.0 report and spotted the cause. It appears I have overused both these talent themes and they have become my ‘blind spot’. I tried to understand the adverse effects of overuse of both Harmony and Empathy. The studies found in literature describes following pitfalls of overuse of these two strengths;

Harmony:

"Harmony" as a talent theme has its own potential pitfalls when not managed well. Here are some:

1. Avoidance of Conflict: Those strong in Harmony might go to great lengths to avoid conflict, sometimes at the cost of ignoring important issues or stifling honest communication.

2. Overemphasis on Consensus: They may focus too much on achieving consensus, which can lead to compromises that may not be the best solutions for everyone involved.

3. Difficulty Making Decisions: The desire to keep everyone happy can result in difficulty making decisions, especially if those decisions might upset others.

4. Suppression of Personal Views: In an effort to maintain peace, individuals with strong Harmony might suppress their own opinions or needs, leading to frustration or resentment.

5. Dependence on External Approval: They may become overly reliant on others' approval and harmony, potentially neglecting their own values or goals.

Empathy

While empathy is a wonderful and powerful strength, like any talent, it has its potential downsides or "blind spots" if not managed well. Here are a few challenges that might arise:

1. Emotional Overwhelm: People with strong empathy might find themselves overwhelmed by the emotions of others, leading to stress or emotional burnout.

2. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: An empathic person might struggle to set boundaries, finding it hard to say "no" or to distance themselves from emotionally draining situations.

3. Taking on Others' Problems: Empaths often want to help or "fix" others' issues, which can lead to neglecting their own needs or becoming too involved in others' lives.

4. Inability to Detach: They might find it difficult to detach from others' emotions, making it challenging to stay objective in professional or personal decisions.

5. Neglecting Personal Needs: By focusing too much on others' feelings and needs, empathic individuals might neglect their own well-being and priorities.

As I reflect on occasions, events and experiences of my life I can easily relate with most of these pitfalls. I realise I had overused my strengths and converted them in to my weaknesses. I am not sure if it is too late in life to look for remedies. I have created my persona and it is not the fault of beneficiaries.

Literature suggests it's important for people with strong empathy to practice self-care, set healthy boundaries, and find balance in their interactions with others. I wonder if I can redraw my boundaries at 78. It is also advised that balancing the need for harmony with assertiveness and clear communication is key.

I do realize it is better late than never. I will be conscious of managing these two strengths, going forward, time remaining notwithstanding. I am otherwise a strong person. I can not allow my strengths to be my weaknesses.

 

 

Peace - A Multidimensional Phenomenon

I have experienced anxiety, apprehension, uneasiness, worry, stress, tension, distress, all at some or other time in life, all opposites of peace, tranquility, serenity, harmony, bliss.

I have, on many occasions, tried to undertake root cause analysis, and on majority of such occasions, the cause is found to be my own creation and/or expectations. Psychologists who have profiled my traits have told me that an innate talent theme that I use more frequently is ‘harmony’. This trait has also proven to be a ‘blind spot’, meaning I go overboard to maintain harmony and peace and expect others also to contribute.

I have understood that peace is both an internal feeling and an external state. Internally, it's a sense of calm, tranquility, and contentment—essentially a feeling of serenity and freedom from worry or disturbance. Externally, peace can describe a physical environment that is quiet, harmonious, and free from conflict or chaos.

Both aspects—internal and external—are deeply interconnected. A peaceful environment can foster a sense of inner peace, and an inner sense of calm can help someone to perceive and appreciate peaceful surroundings.

Peace is a multifaceted concept that extends beyond the mere absence of conflict. For an individual, peace encompasses physical, psychological, philosophical, and environmental dimensions. These aspects are deeply interconnected, influencing one's well-being and their interaction with family, community, society, nation, and the world.

The physical dimension of peace for an individual involves living in a safe and secure environment. It includes having access to basic needs such as shelter, food, and healthcare. A stable physical environment allows an individual to thrive and feel secure within their family and community.

Psychological peace refers to a state of inner calm and mental well-being. It involves managing stress, anxiety, and emotional conflicts effectively. Psychological peace help foster harmonious relationships within family and community. The psychological dimension of peace is crucial for personal growth and the ability to contribute positively to family.

Philosophical peace delves into the beliefs and values that guide an individual's actions and interactions. It involves embracing principles such as compassion, empathy, and non-violence. By adhering to these values, individuals can create a peaceful environment within their family and community. Education and open dialogue play essential roles in promoting philosophical peace, as they encourage understanding and tolerance. On a broader scale, these principles contribute to family harmony and peace.

The environmental dimension of peace highlights the importance of a healthy and sustainable relationship with nature. For an individual, this means living in a clean and serene environment that promotes well-being.

The dimensions of peace are inherently interconnected. A peaceful physical environment supports psychological well-being, while philosophical beliefs shape attitudes towards sustained harmony .

Interconnectedness of psychological and philosophical dimensions can be best explained by understanding cognitive dissonance, a psychological concept. Cognitive dissonance occurs when an individual experiences conflict between their beliefs, values, or behaviors. For example if value promoted by me is collaboration, acting on other’s advice in self interest will cause cognitive dissonance and resulting psychological discomfort or stress. The alternatives available to the individual will be to either ignore well-intentioned advice or suffer from guilt.

Achieving comprehensive peace for an individual requires addressing all these dimensions simultaneously. By doing so, individuals can cultivate a holistic sense of peace that resonates through their family, community, and beyond.

Do I Matter? Am I Relevant?

The questions "Do I matter?" and "Am I relevant?" are interconnected but focus on slightly different parameters of self-reflection. Here’s how they can be understood and differentiated:

1. Do I Matter?

This question often revolves around self-worth, significance, and the impact individuals have on others or the world around them. Parameters to reflect on may include:

- Personal Values: Are you living according to your core values? Do you feel fulfilled by what you do and who you are?

- Relationships: Consider the quality of your relationships. Do the people in your life value your presence and contributions? Do you feel loved and respected?

- Emotional Impact: Reflect on how you influence the emotions and well-being of others. Do you provide support and uplift those around you?

- Contributions to Society: Assess your contributions to your community or causes that matter to you. Do you feel that your actions make a difference?

- Self-Compassion: Examine your ability to be kind to yourself. Do you recognize your worth without needing external validation?

2. Am I Relevant?

This question tends to focus more on connection, engagement, and the ability to participate meaningfully in various contexts. Parameters to reflect on may include:

- Adaptability: Are you able to adjust to changes in your environment, such as social norms or industry trends? Do you stay informed and engage with current discussions?

- Skills and Knowledge: Evaluate your skills and knowledge in relation to your personal and professional life. Are they aligned with what is needed and valued by your peers or community?

- Social Engagement: Reflect on your level of engagement in social settings. Are you involved in discussions, activities, or professional networks?

- Impact on Others: Assess how your contributions are perceived in a broader context. Do others see you as a valuable resource or collaborator?

- Growth and Development: Consider your commitment to personal and professional development. Are you seeking new opportunities to learn and grow?

Conclusion:

While "Do I matter?" leans more toward exploring intrinsic self-worth and emotional significance, "Am I relevant?" focuses on external factors and engagement with the world. Both questions complement each other; an individual can feel a strong sense of importance (matter) while also contributing positively to their environments (relevance).

Reflecting on both questions using different parameters can provide a holistic understanding of one's identity, purpose, and role in various spheres of life