Psychology of Insult

I have, I do not know why, developed an attitude of owning social groups I am a member of, be they families, friends, professionals or workplace. I have learnt ownership is an attitude more promoted at workplaces, since such attitudes are associated with higher performance and business benefits. In social groups such individuals are sought out for taking difficult decisions or belling the cats.

There is flip side of such welcome attitudes though. The members of the group availing benefits of such members with high ownership, and publicly (within group of course) acknowledging contribution of those members with high ownership, at times for confusing reasons inadvertently communicate to the other group members in a manner which the members with high ownership may consider an attempt to put them down and may feel insulted. I have observed the ownership is accompanied by high self esteem and low tolerance to vacillation.

I being a victim of such mindset, was looking for tips to manage such feelings of insult. Feelings are feelings and are outcome of experiences and perceptions, and therefore can be ill founded. But they need to be managed for peaceful living.

I read this article on Psychology Today. Considering all of you in my circle of professionals are individuals with high ownership and therefore likely victims of such experiences, I would suggest take some time out and read this one. It may also be good to be aware and be watchful to avoid giving such experiences to members of our group who demonstrate high ownership.

I liked when author suggests Acceptance as a response to such a feeling of insult.
The author says:

"Acceptance may seem weak but can be the strongest response of all. Hear me out. When someone insults us, we ought to consider three things:
whether the insult is true,
who it came from, and
why.

If the insult is true or largely true, the person it came from is reasonable, and his or her motive is worthy, then the insult is not an insult but a statement of fact, and, moreover, one that could be very helpful to us. Hence, we seldom take offence at our parents, teachers, or friends, who, by telling us the truth, are trying to help rather than hinder or harm us.

More generally, if you respect the person who has insulted you, you ought, instead of getting angry or upset, to give thought to the insult and learn as much as you can from it.

On the other hand, if you think that the person who insulted you is unworthy of your consideration, you have no reason to take offence, just as you have no reason to take offence at a naughty child or a barking dog."

In summary the author provides following tips:

• "There's no reason to take someone who gives an insult any more seriously than a naughty child or barking dog.
• Humor can undercut an insult but needs to be well-timed and well-delivered.
• Ignoring an insult can be powerful, but in some cases, it may be necessary to have a firm word with the insulting person to establish boundaries."