When Strengths Become Weaknesses

I recall I had wrote to you all about Strengths, the philosophy which helps us identify our innate talents and strengths we have developed by using the same, order them on frequency of use (detailing top 5) and motivates us to use them more effectively for achieving superior performance. There were three posts starting from the first, you may find here : http://atulmankad.blogspot.com/2015/06/strengths-where-do-they-come-from.html.

Strengths Counselors while explaining advantages of using top strengths do warn us of the pitfalls of overuse, they call them ‘blind spots’.

As I had mentioned my top 5 talent themes or strengths they described are as under:

1. Learner: has a great desire to learn and wants to continuously improve. In particular, the process of learning, rather than the outcome, excites.
2. Achiever: has a great deal of stamina and works hard, takes great satisfaction from being busy and productive.
3. Harmony: looks for consensus, doesn’t enjoy conflict; rather, seeks areas of agreement. (and my coach had a hard time convincing me that this is my area of strength for obvious reasons and you all would agree with me)
4. Input: has a craving to know more. Often likes to collect and archive all kinds of information.
5. Responsibility: takes psychological ownership of what he says and does, committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty.

I believe if I had asked for next 5, Empathy  would have ranked at no. 6 and defined as “has a strong sense of the feelings of others, understands their emotions, and offers support in meaningful ways.”

Strengths are categorized into four broad domains. Each domain represents a different area of strength and talent. These categories are based on the natural tendencies and behaviors associated with the themes. Here are the four domains:

1. Executing: Themes in this domain help you make things happen and turn thoughts into actions. They focus on productivity, efficiency, and getting things done. Eg. Achiever, Responsibility, Discipline.

2. Influencing: Themes in this domain help you take charge, speak up, and make sure others are heard. They focus on persuasion, leadership, and impacting others. Eg. Communication, Woo (Winning Others Over), Command.

3. Relationship Building: Themes in this domain help you build strong, lasting relationships. They focus on connecting with others, fostering trust, and creating bonds. Eg. Empathy, Harmony, Relator.

4. Strategic Thinking: Themes in this domain help you absorb and analyze information that informs better decisions. They focus on thinking, planning, and problem-solving. Eg. Analytical, Ideation, Learner.

I have been conscious about my strengths and use them effectively. I am fairly satisfied with my performance in the areas of Strategic Thinking and Execution. However I am convinced that in spite of two of my top strengths in the area of Relationship building, I have miserably failed, both at workplace and away. Experiences pronouncing failure have been many. And those have saddened me a lot. Frustration gets intensified when you fail in the subject you thought you were a scholar.

I tried to relook at my StrengthsFinder2.0 report and spotted the cause. It appears I have overused both these talent themes and they have become my ‘blind spot’. I tried to understand the adverse effects of overuse of both Harmony and Empathy. The studies found in literature describes following pitfalls of overuse of these two strengths;

Harmony:

"Harmony" as a talent theme has its own potential pitfalls when not managed well. Here are some:

1. Avoidance of Conflict: Those strong in Harmony might go to great lengths to avoid conflict, sometimes at the cost of ignoring important issues or stifling honest communication.

2. Overemphasis on Consensus: They may focus too much on achieving consensus, which can lead to compromises that may not be the best solutions for everyone involved.

3. Difficulty Making Decisions: The desire to keep everyone happy can result in difficulty making decisions, especially if those decisions might upset others.

4. Suppression of Personal Views: In an effort to maintain peace, individuals with strong Harmony might suppress their own opinions or needs, leading to frustration or resentment.

5. Dependence on External Approval: They may become overly reliant on others' approval and harmony, potentially neglecting their own values or goals.

Empathy

While empathy is a wonderful and powerful strength, like any talent, it has its potential downsides or "blind spots" if not managed well. Here are a few challenges that might arise:

1. Emotional Overwhelm: People with strong empathy might find themselves overwhelmed by the emotions of others, leading to stress or emotional burnout.

2. Difficulty Setting Boundaries: An empathic person might struggle to set boundaries, finding it hard to say "no" or to distance themselves from emotionally draining situations.

3. Taking on Others' Problems: Empaths often want to help or "fix" others' issues, which can lead to neglecting their own needs or becoming too involved in others' lives.

4. Inability to Detach: They might find it difficult to detach from others' emotions, making it challenging to stay objective in professional or personal decisions.

5. Neglecting Personal Needs: By focusing too much on others' feelings and needs, empathic individuals might neglect their own well-being and priorities.

As I reflect on occasions, events and experiences of my life I can easily relate with most of these pitfalls. I realise I had overused my strengths and converted them in to my weaknesses. I am not sure if it is too late in life to look for remedies. I have created my persona and it is not the fault of beneficiaries.

Literature suggests it's important for people with strong empathy to practice self-care, set healthy boundaries, and find balance in their interactions with others. I wonder if I can redraw my boundaries at 78. It is also advised that balancing the need for harmony with assertiveness and clear communication is key.

I do realize it is better late than never. I will be conscious of managing these two strengths, going forward, time remaining notwithstanding. I am otherwise a strong person. I can not allow my strengths to be my weaknesses.