Counselling An Adult Child

I am lucky to have teachers, bright, value driven, in my immediate family. And I am luckier, they all, almost, adore me. They all boost my ego frequently asking for answers and solutions to problems and challenges they encounter in their academic life, knowing fully well that I am not qualified to answer. And they tolerate me when I talk to them in tone and tenor not appropriate for relatively under qualified respondent.

One of those loved ones called me up the other day mentioning that a parent of a girl child of 12^th standard wants her to talk to the child. The parent (both working) expressed her concerns that the child is normally found to be fiddling with a mobile phone, which parents only have gifted her,. They do not know how she is using the phone and when they try to ask her to concentrate on studies, the child misbehaves. The child is other wise known to the teacher as a quite, well mannered one. The loss of focus is getting reflected in below normal performance in periodical assessments.

The teacher, my relative, wanted me to help her with the way in which she should handle the meeting with the child. This was definitely a bouncer for me, nick named by the same group of loved teachers, as ‘Hitler’ while supporting my children when they were growing.

The phone call lasted for more than an hour. Teachers are also parents and at times forget they are ‘teacher’ when other distressed parent approach them. Stereotyping children comes naturally to parents and that is what my loved on was doing. I must have made myself audible to her from a distance of 7 kms when I suggested that “you are being approached to counsel a child. You would expect the child to listen to you with open mind. You yourself will have listen to child first with open mind”.

Study of social psychology and association with Consulting Psychologists have changed me, I believe. These teacher relatives also do not call me ‘Hitler’ anymore.

We discussed expected and demonstrated behavior, causes, values and motives, habits and influences, and ways and means for behavior correction including cognitive dissonance and changing habits. I suggested what may help is that the child realizes and accepts she needs to change, she gets committed to change, develops plans and executes.

I always like those who prepare for every little task in advance and I go overboard to help them prepare. I suggested that if the relative constructs right prompt, a good AI Assistant will provide structure of Counselling session and even script. She hung up doubting if she will get sleep. This according to me is ultimate commitment to profession. And I decided to help.

I drafted a prompt and asked Gemini to search and draft response to the same. Since I believe that many of you have growing children, may experience similar challenges, and may like to keep in mind approach to respond to such situations, and therefore I am sharing here.

Prompt:

A friend has requested me to counsel their child who is in 12th grade, high school. They are concerned about child's future. The concern is mainly mainly caused by observation that child is spending long hours on mobile phone and her grades are not improving. Child also gets irritated when asked to not use phone for excessive hours. The child otherwise is  quite and well mannered. I believe counselling should be able to help child set goals, realize that more efforts are required and that if she continues to do what she is doing she will get same results, develop plan and get committed to execute plan. If this is right approach can you help with structure and design of counseling session and help me with scripting dialogue?

Gemini:

“Understanding the Situation

It seems the primary concern is the child's excessive phone usage and its negative impact on academic performance. The goal of the counseling session is to:

·        Encourage goal-setting: Help the child envision their future and set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART) goals.

·        Foster self-awareness: Make the child aware of their current habits and their potential consequences.

·        Develop a plan: Create a structured plan to balance phone usage, study time, and other activities.

·        Build commitment: Motivate the child to stick to the plan and take ownership of their academic journey.

Counseling Session Structure

·        Establish Rapport:

o   Warm-up: Start with a friendly conversation, perhaps a casual question about their interests or hobbies.

o   Active Listening: Pay close attention to their responses, use verbal cues like "I see," "Go on," and ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share.

·        Explore Their Perspective:

o   Open-Ended Questions: Ask gentle questions like, "How do you feel about your current academic situation?" or "What are your thoughts on your phone usage?"

o   Reflect Feelings: Validate their feelings, e.g., "It sounds like you're feeling a bit overwhelmed."

·        Address the Issue:

o   Gentle Confrontation: Express concern, e.g., "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time on your phone. How do you think this is impacting your studies?"

o   Highlight the Positive: Acknowledge their positive qualities, e.g., "You're a bright and well-mannered person. I know you have the potential to achieve great things."

·        Goal Setting:

o   Future Vision: Ask, "Where do you see yourself in five years?" or "What are your long-term goals?"

o   SMART Goals: Guide them in setting specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound goals for their studies.

·        Develop a Plan:

o   Time Management: Discuss time management techniques, such as using a planner or time-tracking app.

o   Phone Usage Limits: Suggest setting specific time limits for phone usage.

o   Study Techniques: Offer study tips, like the Pomodoro Technique or the Feynman Technique.

·        Build Commitment:

o   Positive Reinforcement: Encourage positive self-talk and reward system.

o   Accountability: Suggest regular check-ins to monitor progress.

Scripting Dialogue Examples

·        Establishing Rapport: "Hey [Child's Name], it's great to meet you. So, what are you passionate about besides school?"

·        Exploring Perspective: "I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time on your phone. How do you feel about that?"

·        Addressing the Issue: "I know it can be tough to balance school and personal time. But, excessive phone usage can really impact your focus and grades. Have you noticed any changes in your study habits lately?"

·        Goal Setting: "Let's talk about your future. Where do you see yourself in five years? What kind of career do you envision for yourself?"

·        Developing a Plan: "To achieve your goals, we need to create a plan. How about we start by setting specific study goals for each subject? And, we can limit your phone usage to [specific time] per day."

·        Building Commitment: "Remember, you've got this! Let's celebrate your achievements, no matter how small. And, we can check in weekly to see how you're doing and adjust the plan if needed."

Remember:

·        Be Patient and Understanding: Approach the conversation with empathy and understanding.

·        Avoid Judgment: Focus on solutions, not blame.

·        Empowerment: Encourage the child to take ownership of their choices.

·        Flexibility: Be willing to adjust the plan as needed.

By following these guidelines and adapting the script to the specific needs of the child, you can create a positive and effective counseling session.”