Golden Jubilee of Togetherness

I do understand silver, golden or names of such precious metals are associated with dates and not years, but I take liberty to assign such qualification to the year which will soon begin. It will be 49 years come the 28th January next, we got married. It will be Golden Jubilee Year of our marriage. Last year same

And what a journey it has been.

It was an arranged marriage, though we had families which connected both of us. I believe both of us liked each other from word go, once introduced. Both were matching in looks, I mean were good looking (I have evidence to prove in case someone asks us what did we see in each other).

Both of us consciously addressed each other using plural as mark of respect, as is the usage in Gujarati, adding 'behn' or 'bhai' to other's name, from that day 49 years back. Though I joked and compared my addressing her adding that suffix with Mahatma addressing his better half as 'Ba' meaning mother, the practice helped and has stood the test of time. We have never, even when no one is around, used insulting language at each other. We might have pulled each other's legs purely to add humour to life.

Both of us have been privileged, being eldest among siblings, extended, united, joint families included. I was granted that honour in spite of being younger to my sister, who was amongst the most adorably pious sole I have had in my life. This status provided that potential energy and position of vantage, younger ones in both families having shown respect not normally received in the era we belong to. Even at the cost of being called 'boastful' I would humbly say She helped us earn the respect we have lavishly enjoyed.

Though both of us were shy then, we were rule abiding and well behaved. I became aggressive in all respect with passage of time, she remained mostly docile, reactive and passive and not just tolerated me but supported me in all my otherwise uncommon decisions.

She made my house a home and gladly hosted major family functions. These events have made our stay memorable and have resulted in children of families insisting we retain the house as a heritage home.

She majored in psychology and did work with special children before moving over with us. Most unlike many qualified ladies she agreed to take on family responsibilities and did not insist for career. And she demonstrated how efficiently can family responsibilities be discharged, once you are committed to the same.

She has been an expert cook and invents recepies of her own to consume what may have been left over. Family members have appreciated her prowess and look forward to hearing from me about dishes she literally cooks up. Her mission is to feed all those who take trouble of visiting us.

She has been a nurse to elders during their illnesses, without bothering with her own frailty and discomforts. This home of hers has been a hospice for elders.

I did, as was mostly expected to, take decisions, which many youngsters did not readily agree with but silently resented, in the interest of maintaining harmony in families and protecting the younger ones from consequences otherwise, at a grave cost to Her health. She did not utter a word and helped me through challenging times.

I have confessions to make, not that I have shied away in the past from confessing.

• I perhaps have taken her consent in each of my decisions, for granted.
• I have been overly optimistic about her physical abilities to handle multiple tasks at a time.
• I might have underestimated her needs for appreciation of all that She has been doing or has done.
• I have at times ignored her need for respect from me on occasions.

I am otherwise able to manage emotions well and with age in my favour can handle rough times, but still seek her hand out  (which she normally keeps tightly under cover) at night when I am afraid of uncertain situation waiting for sun to rise. And confidence returns to me.

I pray She remains by my side and remains my source of courage and strength till such time as God wills us here!!!

PS: The time has flown since I jotted down my feelings and views. We completed 50 years of cohabitance yesterday. We jointly and severally behaved in  extremely predicatable lines during the losses family suffered and during the joyous almost tumultuous union of children of the family.

I thought of resharing the post with an update. 

Quality of Services

Some of you may perhaps not have visited, or may not have information about the place we reached yesterday. The name of the city is Atlanta and is located in Georgia state of USA. There is absolutely no need for us to either visit or know about such obscure place, I am only trying to build context.

Atlanta (check up the details here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atlanta?wprov=sfla1) is the capital city of the state and besides being HQ of CNN, it has large population (out of a total of about 5,00,000) of Indian IT professionals.

Now on hindsight I feel I should have got coordinates of the airport we were landing at. You will find the details here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hartsfield%E2%80%93Jackson_Atlanta_International_Airport?wprov=sfla1.

I wonder for a population of 5 lacs why should the city need an airport spread over 4,700 acres of land!! I believe they must have reasons. If you look at the map, 222 gates are arranged in concourses A to F. International terminal is at concourse F and domestic terminals are in concourse T before concourse A. These concourses are connected through underground fast moving train, they call sky train. I am trying to provide you an idea about enormity and distances and suggest you should get information about the place you are going, before embarking on the journey. I have learnt lessons the hard way. I could have done better since I have had opportunities to visit such unknown places recently including Denver, in USA, a similar mammoth airport. 

Passage to the gates to board flight at Toronto was extremely smooth. I wondered why should we have been asked to report three hours before scheduled departure!! We were at the gates to board flight in 45 minutes having been interviewed by US immigration. 

Even the US immigration officer who gave permission to enter USA behaved extremely friendly. Those who must have come to this country would consider us lucky to have that experience. They normally are afraid of every visitor and so try to browbeat them. 

Flight to Toronto was even smoother, taking less time than expected.

It had taken three hours at Toronto airport and less than two hours of flying time. Great going, I thought as the aircraft touched down at Atlanta, considering immigration process was over, we had to just pick up bags and walk out. Little that I knew that it will be after about three hours that will get out.

Passanger accompanying me has challenges with legs and has difficulty walking distances longer than about 50 feet. To help her, airlines (Delta, in the present case) had kindly agreed to provide wheelchair, and did actually do at Toronto with utmost hospitality.

The quality of services was put to test when we landed. On exit from aircfaft I asked the crew if she will get wheelchair and from where. He was supportive and arranged to get one at the aircraft door after all passangers had deboarded. And it takes about 15 minutes for aircraft to get emptied.

The wheelchair fellow had limited range to operate within. He kept the chair at the gate, which is just at the end of the vestibule, and informed that someone else will help going further. 

After about ten minutes I asked the airport staff at that gate exit how much more time will it take and she said someone is on way. She asked if we had connecting flight to catch to which I informed in negative and additionally informed we had to claim baggage and get out. Every reminder resulted into someone scanning the boarding card to note who is to be helped, where has she come from and where is she to be taken to.

After 45 minutes a seemingly innocent (I mean a bit dumb looking) help of african origin arrived, scanned boarding card again and asked where are we heading to. I informed him that I have to claim baggage from international baggage claim, to which he asked with astonishment, was I sure? I tried to explain to him we came from Toronto and that to the best of my knowledge makes our travel international one.

He started slowly from concourse D where we landed and arrived at the point where path to international baggage claim diverted from domestic baggage claim. On my insistence he moved towards international one, with some hesitation. Before covering a distance he asked some one who looked like member of flying crew, who suggested we go to domestic baggage claim with a disclaimer, that he may though get second opinion. 

I knew prognosis was poor. The African American (AA) chose not to get second opinion and took us to a closed enclosure after descending some depth. I realised after reaching there that we were boarding a train going towards concourse T housing domestic baggage claim, exactly in direction opposite to international baggage claim.

We reached the destination after three stations to be told by the staff there that we were at a wrong place. What surprised me was that one of the carousel had the number of flight we arrived by, displayed. But the bags were not there for sure.

I had at that point no idea and orientation about the location map and that AA also looked equally disoriented. Ultimately I contacted my host (who were at international arrival) and suggested they may pick us up from domestic arrival and help me find bags. And look at that kind gentleman, he did not want the Passanger to wait for pick up in the heat outside. I thanked him and he left, leaving the chair also.

That we were picked up from domestic end and taken to international arrival, a drive of about ten minutes, and that we found our bags and started for home was without contribution from air lines.

It had taken us three hours to leave the premises, with throats dry and other pronounced physical demands.

I am sure the air lines will have to pay heavily for many discomforts, take it from me. I have learnt lessons, the air lines should also learn. 

Cognitive activism

If you have, in recent past, had an experience of waking up after about a couple of hours into sleep at night, you would have realized what varities of chemical reactions happen in the digestive system. This is subject to a condition that you had your dinner not earlier than a couple of hours before you attained horizontality.

Last night, i had dinner right as per Jainism diktats, before sun set. The sun however is setting pretty late here, these days.

So when I did wake up, digestive juices were almost pouring to break down molecules of food into chemicals which can be accepted by blood. I understand most of these juices have low to very low ph values. The reaction appeared exothermic and a bit noisy too. Some reactions also appeared to convert solid particles into gaseous form, equivalent of sublimation process as we would know.

And you can not blame me for having partaken something I should not have at my age. It was a bowl of burrito, and the recipe (https://damndelicious.net/2014/09/10/easy-burrito-bowls/) will bear me out. No dish can be more harmless than this. Now you can always blame me for quantity I consumed, which may not have been in tune with my age, that is because the dish is delicious, and I like it.

If you have noticed, the reactions do not take place at NTP and you may have to twist and turn your stomach to ensure residual products move towards lower end of elementary canal. This is a challenging job considering force of gravity is not helping, body being parallel to horizontal plane.

The purpose of this note is not to explain process of metabolism. It is to draw your attention to cognitive activitism which results during this state. And I am trying to recall what all went through in my mind.

It was 'communication' . That was the subject of cognitive activities. Motives, Messages and Media, all came under scrutiny. Let me delve at length separately. 

Overconfidence - "हम बन चूके"

I have taken up on myself responsibility of sharing information which I gather in my free time with a professional and a family group. I do not just forward articles without reading, though I am aware that it is normal to do so on some media platforms. I try to make sense and only if I find there is some value, I share. The motivator is selfless desire to be of some assistance in growth of near and dear ones, professionals and family members.

For some time, at regular intervals, I get  indirect suggestion that some of the information conveyed through articles which I share is of ordinary quality. What is tried to be conveyed is "We are better and know more than the author of the article you shared." 

It could be true and I am happy if "we are better" than many. I adore confidence verbalised by some.

I understand self-confidence is linked to almost every element involved in a happy and fulfilling life. Benefits of self-confidence are, reduced fear and anxiety, greater motivation and resilience and improved relationships. (Source: https:///ca/blog/shyness-is-nice/201809/why-self-confidence-is-more-important-you-think)

While it is good to be confident, it is equally essential that we guard against being overconfident. The line separating the two states might be very thin. 

And my issue is with that avoidable state, since I feel overconfidence does more harm than be of help to us. I feel the moment I enter that zone my learning and growth stops. Knowledge is a form of potential energy which, like all similar forms, flows from higher to lower levels. My overconfidence unwittingly takes me to that imaginary higher plain and stops the flow of knowledge, learning and wisdom.

We, siblings, all children of a joint family, were good, studious children, taking studies seriously and scoring good grades. In order to ensure we do not get across that thin line into the state of overconfidence, my father would tell us the story of creation of the camel. 

He would say "God made all living beings. Human being was the last species. He had formed many large and small animals in his free time and given them varying sizes and shapes. He would create a form out of mud and polish it up giving finishing touches. When he felt satisfied with his creation he would give life to the form. 

Once God had just put the lumps of mud and created a rough form with four long legs, long neck and short tail. He was yet to finish it up and in a hurry, Gods also can be in a hurry sometime, he accidently gave life to the form. Camel was created. That animal using his long legs started running. God urged him to stay saying he needs to give finishing touches and beautify him. But the animal did not stop saying "हम बन चुके". He had crossed that line and got into overconfidence zone. Animal suffers from that ugly, lumpy body."

My father had to just ask us "हम बन चुके"? and we would know what he wants us to do. We will get back to study mode.

When overconfidence engulfs a business organization, in my view, business suffers.

I was trying to understand when can I be reasonably sure to conclude if the individual or the group demonstrates overconfidence?  Dictionary meaning of a noun "Overconfidence" is 

"a cognitive bias characterized by
     • an overestimation of one's actual ability          to perform a task successfully,
     • a belief that one's performance is better          than that of others, or
     • excessive certainty in the accuracy of              one's beliefs."

While I do not suggest we should not develop confidence, my suggestion is only to be conscious of our march towards that fine line. We may not know when we crossed that line. And next we will find, we tend to be arrogant, since next stop in the journey after overconfidence is arrogance. And that is the prescription for journey down hill.

To be more aware and being on guard, I suggest studying this wiki page Overconfidence effect here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Overconfidence_effect?wprov=sfla1.

Let us pray
आ नो भद्रा: क्रतवो यन्तु विश्वत: |
Let noble thoughts come to us from every side. - Rig Veda, I-89-i

If our intelligence does not accept some thoughts as "noble", reject the specific thoughts, but do not close doors on all noble thoughts. 

Existence (वुजूद)

Today the sun must have risen at its own time, but the clock gave one hour more. That is the bright (!!) brains of Northern Americans (not the natives, the occupiers from across Atlantic) who have conceived the concept of "day light saving".

But that is just a passing thought. The mind was grappling with the concept of "वुजूद"  in Hindi & Urdu and "વજૂદ" in Gujarati. The Gujarati lexicon gave the meaning (truth, reality, substance) which did not fit in my chain of thoughts and so looked for translation from Hindi to Gujarati (સિદ્ધિ; સફળતા, અસ્તિત્વ; હયાતી) and that made the connection.

I have heard many people (more ladies than gents) talking about "existence (वुजूद)". Their queries are normally generated out of feeling of deprivation and desire to be counted or valued. Such views are promoted by some social thinkers (like that lady, respected as a thinker and writer, I have listened to number of times) as well.

This led to the search about what is the correct (or appropriate) way of looking at my "existence" or " वुजूद"? Should I look at "existence" as related to my rights or should I look at it as related to the larger purpose of the same including my responsibilities?

I came across this blog post, "The meaning of life - a psychologist's view" on the subject. Check this out https://theconversation.com/the-meaning-of-life-a-psychologists-view-129274. 

The psychlogist introduces the subject by saying "The search for meaning in life is a familiar challenge to many of us" (we may not be consciously thinking on those lines at times). "Some materialist scientists and philosophers consider it a futile search. Prominent atheist Richard Dawkins, for example, claims that human beings are just “throwaway survival machines” whose only purpose is to survive and replicate genes.

Otherwise, the theory goes, there is very little point to our lives. We may attempt to create other kinds of meaning, through religion or attempts at altruism for example, but all we’re really doing is following our genetic and neurological programming."

He further says "But I take the rather unfashionable view that there is meaning to life. It is absurd to reduce human life and behaviour to purely genetic factors.

We are not just ghostly entities living inside machine-like bodies in an indifferent world. Human life is not a meaningless space between birth and death, spent trying to enjoy ourselves and forget about our predicament."

My understanding is existence has more to do with the fulfillment of the purpose of existence than my rights and enjoyment.

Introspect and evaluate extent of fulfillment of the purpose of existence.