Likes and Dislikes

 What does one do when one has got up early and the weather is not very supportive for a stroll? I have for long developed habit of revising what happened the day before. 

I have seen a pattern in such a process of revision. One question comes up repeatedly, based on my behaviour with some specific individuals with whom i would have dealt with the previous day, "why do i dislike some people?"

Psychologist sitting by my side, currently almost 18 hours a day, has been critical of my behaviour and has tried to explain why do i behave in the manner i do with some set of people, either in workgroup or in family group. Though normally i am painted as the devil and my personality is highlighted as negative, but clash of personalities and values, i understand, could be causes for such likes or dislikes. I wanted to dive deeper into the subject, mainly with a view to improve and correct my behaviour.

Recent exercise i participated in, during the workshop at Sewa Rural, which made us think "what would people say if they are writing my obituary and what would i like to hear them say", did have an impact on me. And it is better late than never, i thought. Let me understand the causes and then if possible take remedial actions.

All my explorations start with Google. Now i have Bard to get structured responses. And i talked to Bard about my dilemma. I asked:

"What could be reasons for feeling of dislike for some people in any organization?"

Bard's reply was very cryptic and to the point. Bard did not just explained possible reasons, it also provided tips to practice for improvement. And that was the bonus. Based on feedbacks i have received in the past and the one my cohabiting psychologist has been repeating, i consider it bang on target. Bard replied:

"There are many reasons why you might dislike someone in an organization. Here are some of the most common:

* Personality clashes. Some people simply have personalities that clash with yours. You might find them to be too loud, too quiet, too talkative, too passive, too aggressive, or too whatever else.

* Behavioral issues. Some people have behaviors that you find to be annoying, disruptive, or even offensive. This could include things like gossiping, complaining, being late, not pulling their weight, or being rude to others.

* Values differences. If you have different values than someone else, it can be difficult to get along with them. For example, if you value teamwork and collaboration, and someone else values individual achievement, you might find it hard to work together.

* Professional disagreements. Sometimes, you might dislike someone because you disagree with their professional opinions or decisions. This can be especially true if you feel like they are not acting in the best interests of the organization.

* Personal history. If you have a personal history with someone that is negative, it can be difficult to let go of that dislike. For example, if someone has wronged you in the past, it can be hard to trust them or even be around them.

It's important to remember that not everyone is going to be someone you like. However, if you find that you are consistently disliking people in your organization, it might be a sign that there is something deeper going on. You might need to examine your own biases or expectations, or you might need to find a different work environment where you are more compatible with the people around you.

Here are some tips for dealing with people you dislike in an organization:

* Try to understand their perspective. It can be helpful to try to understand why someone might behave the way they do. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with them, but it can help you to be more understanding and less reactive.

* Set boundaries. If someone's behavior is causing you distress, it's important to set boundaries. This might mean avoiding them, asking them to change their behavior, or talking to a manager.

* Focus on the positive. It's easy to get caught up in the negative aspects of someone's personality, but it's important to focus on the positive as well. This might mean finding things that you have in common, or looking for ways to appreciate their strengths.

* Take care of yourself. If you're finding it difficult to deal with someone you dislike, it's important to take care of yourself. This might mean getting enough sleep, exercising, or spending time with people you enjoy.

Remember, you don't have to like everyone you work with. However, you can learn to deal with people you dislike in a way that is productive and healthy."

I do believe all of us face these challenges. We normally ignore. It is good to remember, when we are not there, and 'not there' does not mean 'passed away', not there includes have gone out or changed job or have been transferred or have retired, people will remember us by what we did and how we behaved. It is never too late to improve our behaviour.